79 Funny Quote of the Day

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Looking for Funny Quote of the Day? .. Then you are at right place. life some may claim that food, water, shelter, medication and clothing are the essentials. But they are forgetting one of the essentials – humor. Humor is one thing that will make you smile and laugh and there is nothing better than a cheerful outlook to make things better. I am sure even people who are relatively serious in their outlook will agree with this.


Having said that we can also agree that humor has to be present in our lives without having to make any effort. That is why we present here a collection of humorous expressions that will make you smile, or roll your eyes while shaking your head or burst out laughing. You can use these quotes to brighten the day at the workplace by putting it in the cafeteria notice board or having it delivered to a select group of friends and colleagues through mail.


Any special occasion becomes much brighter and more enjoyable when you throw humor into the mix. The only caution about the use of humor is that one should always know their audience well and ensure that no feelings are hurt. If done right humor can bring you closer to people, create warmth and make you the center of attraction, socially speaking.


Many a less than average looking man has managed to woo and then marry a smart and beautiful woman using humor to break the ice. The only thing you have to be careful while using humor with the opposite sex is to ensure that things are within limits and nobody is hurt. Sometimes humor can take on the form of caustic sarcasm and unless the occasion is right, one should restrain from such things. Use these quotes along with great pictures on Facebook and see how much people enjoy it.

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Funny Quote of the Day

  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
  • I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
  • A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
  • I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
  • When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
  • Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
  • A day without sunshine is like, you know, night
  • Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
  • A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
  • As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
  • Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
  • Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
  • My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
  • People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
  • My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
  • I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three
  • Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
  • If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.
  • Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
  • I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
  • A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
  • A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it
  • Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
  • If you feel like doing some work, sit down and wait…The feeling does go away
  • If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?
  • There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say
  • Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.
  • If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy. But the mud will never get glovey
  • If you need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm
  • If you live to be a hundred. I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments
  • What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?
  • The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money
  • In God we trust. All others bring data
  • I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something
  • I like work; it fascinates me, I can sit back and look at it for hours
  • If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging
  • In mathematics, you don’t understand things, you just get used to them
  • A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic