douchebagalow
"I went back to Ohio, my city was gone. The farms of Ohio
Had been replaced by shopping malls
And Muzak filled the air
From Seneca to Cuyahoga Falls
Said, ay, oh, way to go, Ohio." But I guess the malls will soon get replaced with farms or some other shit?
douchebagalow
He gives tons of money to charity, including to orphanages, hospitals, etc. Gotham is corrupt and the more money it had, the more corrupt it's politicians would be... EXCEPT BATMAN IS THERE TO SMASH THEIR FACES IN, YA CUNT.
douchebagalow
The government doesn't really give money to the rich, they just get to keep more of theirs if they are creative enough. For example, you might make a million dollars and ol' Uncle Sugar would like to take $400 grand. But if you have an accountant maybe you can whittle it down to 200 grand. And now you're not paying your fair share because you paid 200 grand and Timmy & Tammy Scumbag got a $1500 refund and didn't actually pay any taxes at all. You bastard!
douchebagalow
If one enterprising student knew math he'd buy it and then sell copies for $15 a pop to his classmates. And then do the same thing next semester.
douchebagalow
Aw too bad you didn't get the recognition and adulation you deserve for doing a "charity" walk. Just write a fuckin' check and walk on your own time.
douchebagalow
**complains about minimum wage** **complains can't afford a house, is too poor** **Doesn't want to work hard, stick with one company where they could advance.** aw poor guy.
douchebagalow
Great for when you're running through a haunted hedgemaze in the snow and your axe-weilding dad who may or may not have been the caretaker there 100 years ago is chasing you.
douchebagalow
Why ain't Wheely Joe parking in handi-capable spots? Also, if you return all of your carts, they have no need for cart monkies. Thus, leaving your cart in the middle of the lot creates jobs.
douchebagalow
Although Penisholes's anus has been breached more times than the US/Mexico border, his penis is still a virgin. None of his thousands of partners ever let him be the top. Almost sad, really.
douchebagalow
Here's a joke everyone can laugh at. A priest at a rabbi are having lunch at a deli. A 10-year-old boy walks by. The priest says, "Boy, wouldn't you love to screw him?" The rabbi says, "Out of what?"
douchebagalow
Fuck that, I don't want other schmucks knowing what I make. I manage a contact center and I hire men and women, all races, based on experience/skills and how they do in the interview. I start them all at the same pay rate... EXCEPT for a few people that have negotiated for higher pay at the beginning, and I decided to hire them and pay more because it is pretty slim fuckin' pickin's out there. So far, everyone that negotiated for a higher salary has been female.
douchebagalow
Drawing attention to yourself to troll for likes on the internet, you seem like one of the worst men ever, actually. Even Stalin didn't pull this dumb shit.
douchebagalow
I saw "CHUG CHUG CHUG" and assumed this post was about Penisholes... that goes is so devoted to sucking cock he has a "CHUG LIFE" tattoo on his chest. That sumbitch has swallowed more white stuff than the product testers at OREO.
douchebagalow
Yes and ban some other rights in the constitution. Let's ban free speech so you can't make this stupid fucking tweet. Take away the freedom of press so can't watch CNN. Fah-Q, bitch.
douchebagalow
You're the ass for not following up with your kid to KNOW not to do that. All you did instead was call the kid an asshole on the internet. Fuck you, milfshake.
douchebagalow
I realize it's petty but one (of the many) things that annoy the shit out of me is when people write "loooool" or "lmaoooo". Do they realize they are saying "Laughing out out out out out out out loud" or "laughing my ass off off off off off off."
douchebagalow
Yeah but I still look exactly the same as I do in the pic I took 6 years ago that I use for any social profile I have. Also, men don't take a new pic every day and filter the fuck out of it and and style our eyebrows a different way and put doggy ears and shit on it. Well, Penisholes does, but MEN don't.
douchebagalow
1. You took the time to bake a cookie (or whatever the fuck this is) of your cat. 2. It's pretty damn good so you spent a lot of time on it. 3. You sat your cat in a chair like it thinks it's people. 4. You took a photo. 5. you posted said photo on the internet. This likely means you never ever ever getting laid again.
douchebagalow
The least you could have done was nothing. You should have told him to plan for his fast which comes around once a year and to fuck off. Me at a hotel: "Hey can you guys buy me some Christmas shit? How about by tomorrow?"
douchebagalow
If every employee gets a box of dildos, Penisholes would like to become a contributor. He's got lots of experience as he is currently managing editor of Young Homo magazine.
douchebagalow
Body skin, as opposed to the other kind of skin a female might show? I didn't really find her sexy at all. I thought she was cute. Bri'ish accents annoy me though.
douchebagalow
Penisholes is also a kind of dumpster, and he gets about 250lbs of waste in him every couple weeks. You know, Penisholes walked into the sperm bank the other day, holding one of those Big Gulp cups from 7-11. He says to the front desk person, "I'd like to make a withdrawal."
douchebagalow
His greatest role was as Brandt in The Big Lebowksi. "Her life is in your hands. Mr. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: her life is in your hands. Her life is in your hands, dude."
douchebagalow
One reason is so you can read old original documents (like maybe the constitution) and old letters. Someday the constitution may be changed to New Speak (UNLAWFULL SERCH AND SEIZURE IS DOUBLE UNGOOD) so it would be good to read an original copy.
douchebagalow
Michelangelo was gay and had no use/knowledge of the female form... the chicks in this painting have adam's apples and forearms like truckers.
douchebagalow
I'm guessing (hoping?) they only put stuff in there when it actually is popular, lots of people are watching it? Like that Making a Murderererer.
douchebagalow
Laughing My Ass Off Off Off Off Off Off Off! That's annoying as shit to me. And I don't even get how this is funny or interesting at all.
douchebagalow
"Hey babe. babe. Y'know that vanity in the bedroom? Let's drag it out into the fuckin' tundra." "Why, babe?" "Cuz, I wanna hire a photographer and do a professional photo shoot." "Of what, babe?" "Of you shaving my head, cuz I have cancer." "That sounds dumb as shit babe." "Babe, I also ordered these pink boxing gloves on Ebay. They'll be here tomorrow. Cuz I wanna say I'm fighting cancer." "Why the fuck would we do that, babe?" "Cuz I want attention. Also, I want you to shave my head. Like in the photos." "Babe, I'm really glad that you have ovarian cancer so that we can never reproduce." "Me too, babe."
douchebagalow
Sheeee-it. Penisholes mom had 9 kids in 85 months. No twins or other multiple births. By the time Penisholes popped out there was room to twirl a cane as he sauntered gaily. (Or gayly).
douchebagalow
I'm gonna say this, if you don't have several joyful moments every day, your life is probably wasted. These could be as small as eating something tasty, or something big like seeing your child born. Well, being the in the same room, I mean. Seeing it is actually kinda gross. But the other part is good.
douchebagalow
The point is, literally, to perpetuate the species. To carry on the seed to the next generation. That's it. Now, we can all be thankful if cunts like you or Penisholes don't reproduce, but the point of life is just to keep it going. Everything else is just window dressing.
douchebagalow
I remember when Penisholes said there was a Jew Komedy Konspiracy, and that no white non-Jew could get away with the shitty jokes Amy Jew-mer makes. However, I proved him wrong when I noted that Daniel Tosh was raised Presbyterian and Dane Cook was raised Catholic? Yeah, that was a good time. Because once one tree falls in his forest of bullshit, the whole thing topples. Hah, that fuckin' swish.
douchebagalow
Hey what's the difference between Penisholes and the American flag? It would be wrong to set the American flag on fire. What do Penisholes and the Rocky Mountains have in common? They both got pounded with 12 inches this weekend.
douchebagalow
Let's call ourselves Anti Fascism and then shut down free speech using violence and intimidation! Brilliant! The hypocrisy on the left is truly astounding. There's plenty of hypocrats on the right, but these idiots own the fucking thing.
douchebagalow
I usually like to just email the applicants that didn't make the cut that meme of Willy Wonka where he says: "You get NOTHING!!! You lose! GOOD DAY, SIR!"
douchebagalow
Just think that poor sumbitch has gotten fucked with his birthday his entire life. That's the kind of thing that make a man into a miserable cunt, like Penisholes.
douchebagalow
Penisholes has ingested more semen than the Atlantic. He's also had more balls bounce against his chin than the floor of a high school gym.
douchebagalow
You mean like the four children that were just killed in a mass shooting in Perth? Fuck you, you cunt. Also, your murder rate went up since you confiscated guns. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/11/world/australia/worst-mass-shooting-margaret-river.html
douchebagalow
If we all did something like this, there'd be a hell of lot more homeless people. Every dollar you throw at the "homeless problem" just creates more. Seattle spends 1 billion a year on different homeless programs and guess what, it gets worse every year.
douchebagalow
If you don't hear back you got denied... or MAYBE they're keeping you on file in case there is no one less shitty. I hire people and no I don't call back all the losers.
douchebagalow
The same boy also thought that Penisholes was having his period, turned out he had instead gotten pounded by the Men's Reform Judaism club that morning. That fuckin' guy has been plowed more times than a Minnesota highway.
douchebagalow
I think the youngest one in braids is probably thinking about lunch. Honestly I wouldn't take my kids to a Hooters type joint at that age... Or any age. What kid wants to watch their dad try to bury the bishop with a teenager?
douchebagalow
My lady doesn't like it that much. She doesn't like receiving oral either (which is a bummer because I enjoy rimming the tuna can). She has vaginal orgasms so she does love getting the ham slammed and being pounded in the pooper.
douchebagalow
Penisholes walks into a jail cell. The other guy in the cell asks, "What are you in for?" Penisfeels says "Blowing bubbles." Then a 400 lb Samoan dude walks in the cell. The guy asks, "Who are you?" And the dude says, "Bubbles.:"
douchebagalow
Kanye and Trump met to discuss the possibility of making Kim's ass a national park. The only difference right now is that I've heard not a lot of black guys go to national parks. Giggity.
douchebagalow
One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying
But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, "what the fuck's your problem?"
Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.
douchebagalow
Last week? Sheeeee. I heard the reason June weddings were a thing is because most people took their yearly bath in May, and by June still smelled pretty good. My question is, why didn't May weddings become a thing?
douchebagalow
If he's 2, he's not going to be controlling the wheelchair himself right? Lest he run it into traffic? So why can't the 'rents just push his ass in a regular wheelchair?
douchebagalow
See, Penisholes? Just listen to the guy. You'll be happier if you can just admit that you give more BJs than a two-dollar whoor on pay day. And that your chin has had more nuts on it than a conveyor belt at a Snickers factory.
douchebagalow
I'm just gonna say I make this expression to pretty much anyone. It just means-I acknowledge you. I'm not gonna smile, I'm not gonna be rude enough to just look away.
douchebagalow
Actually they're making him retake his 2nd grade civics test. He still doesn't know that we have 3 separate branches of government to provide checks and balances. He keeps writing "Why can't I just wave my pen and make all that shit happen?"
douchebagalow
And his balls have been crushed into a fine powder. Just ask Penesopholez, they were on his chin. You thought it was powdered sugar donuts... you were wrong.
douchebagalow
Her actions just show us how dumb the movement is. She took a train for 32 hours to get to a climate conference in Europe. A boat 2 weeks to get to the US. She wants us to go back to that. Guess what, if you ever want to take a vacation to Italy you better build into the vacation time a solid month of travel (by boat and covered buggy). Yeah babe I think i'll just get it done in a couple hours on a big jet airplane.
douchebagalow
Or, if you're one of those many hoes that slept with their students, do the opposite. I hear one of those poor kids was so traumatized he was only able to high five half of his class.
douchebagalow
I'll tell her she'd look cute grilled medium rare with gravy mashed, some steamed veggies, and maybe a nice cobbler after. This is the dumbest fuck shit I've seen on the internet for at least five minutes.
douchebagalow
I still don't know if they go by tickets sold or by dollars. Obviously with tix being $14 plus (even more with 3Deez nuts) this would make more money. I wonder if the Dark Knight or others (Titanic) actually sold more tickees.
douchebagalow
Not underpaid, and with shit posts liek "Teachers do the hardest job ever like even more than doctors nurses police firefighters and soldiers, because for sure putting on a movie for a 20 little fuckheads and then napping is harder than killing Eye-Rackees!" they aren't underappreciated either.
douchebagalow
First of all, 1,000,00 is not a number, ye daft coont! Do you mean 1,000,000? If so, taking a photo and putting on the internet to complain would be pettiness level 2,000,000!
douchebagalow
Hopefully you gave them a 'thank you-Beej?' Not that this shouldn't be recognized, but this type of thing, doing a favor and not accepting payment (otherwise it's not a favor) happens all of the time, especially in small towns or "flyover country" where people are decent.
douchebagalow
Penisholes would call that a good day. 'Course he gets himself a prostate exam every week, whether he needs it or not. He put his damn doctor's kids through college.
douchebagalow
Hey kid, when I was your age, the babies they put on baby food jars were a lot less retarded. I mean a lot less, like 100 % less retarded. Times do change, don't they?
douchebagalow
Yeah, but the shitty music you make SHOULD be. "God's face floating on the water?" More like a bunch of shitty uninteresting noise along with a sample of someone saying "Bleh." My thoughts exactly. MOBY ROTS.
douchebagalow
I guess the song I was thinking of was "Porcelain," lest I be corrected by some rabid Moby fan (of which there still must be at least one somewhere.)
douchebagalow
Everybody’s gonna save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all, save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven’t learned to care for one another—we’re gonna save the fuckin’ planet? I’m gettin’ tired of that shit. Tired of that shit.
I’m tired of fuckin’ Earth Day, I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white bourgeoise liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren’t enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world safe for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalist don’t give a shit about the planet, they don’t care about the planet, not in the abstract they don’t, not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They’re worried that someday in the future they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me. Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet, nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The people are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doin’ great! It’s been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We’ve been here, what? A hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand and we’ve only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we’re a threat? That somehow we’re gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that’s just a floatin’ around the sun? The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sunspots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles, hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids, and meteors, world-wide floods, tidal waves, world-wide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages, and we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference?
The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are! We’re goin’ away. Pack your shit, Folks, we’re goin’ away. We won’t leave much of a trace either, thank god for that. Maybe a little styrofoam, maybe, little styrofoam. Planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake, an evolutionary cul de sac. The planet will shake us off like a bad case of fleas, a surface nuisance. You wanna know how the planet’s doin’? Ask those people at Pompeii, who were frozen into position from volcanic ash. How the planet’s doin’. Wanna know if the planet’s alright, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia, or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. How about those people in Kilauea, Hawaii who built their homes right next to an active volcano and then wonder why they have lava in the living room. The planet will be here for a long, long, long time after we’re gone and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself ’cuz that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it’s true that plastic is not degradable well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allows us to be spawned from it in the first place: it wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it, needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old philosophical question, “Why are we here?” “Plastic, assholes.”
douchebagalow
Look, let me explain something to you. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or His Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing. I could quote just about this whole damn movie.
douchebagalow
She's also protesting that Jennifer Lawrence only made $12 million in a recent movie while her more widely known and popular male counterpart made $18 mil. Injustice, they name is Hollyweird.
douchebagalow
And if someone moved Christopher Dawkins "The God Delusion" to fiction it would just as much of a douche move. Militant atheists truly are assholes. Same with militant religiou-nuts.
douchebagalow
Back in my day we didn't need a 2-year video collage to tell our parents we were gay. We just left a copy of Yank magazine peeking discreetly out from under the mattress, and that's the way we liked it, damnit!
douchebagalow
You're not afraid? Yoda voice: "You will be. You will be." You'll be afraid when Yusuf drives a truck loaded with explosives into that crowd. Or will you stand there and say: "We are not afraid." I remember the hullabaloo over Trumpy saying a terrorist attack happened in Sweden... is he prescient?
douchebagalow
Also, I notice she spends a lot of time on her damn phone. So half the time she's facebooking, the other half she's grappling with a toddler. Is she getting any Parlimenting done?
douchebagalow
Came out recently that Bernie wasn't paying the people working on his campaign $15 per hour... hahahaha. And you know what the cunt did when he agreed to raise the wage? He cut hours. Almost seems... capitalistic.
douchebagalow
Dystopian to ask a couple fucks to write a page about themselves? For the privilege of living another 4-6 years in a cushy academic environment? And look, if you're not going to work towards a job where you can easily pay your debt off, either go to a cheaper school or don't get a worthless degree. You don't need a $100K degree in Post Gender Pantheism In the Roman Era from Yale. You obviously haven't read any dystopian Sci Fi, you daft slag. I'm guessing you haven't learned shit in college other than how to complain about shit and feel oppressed by microaggressions?
douchebagalow
I'm of Scotch/Irish/Norwegian descent and I regularly duck my wife (who yes was born a woman and has a vagina). How does it feel to be wrong about this and practically everything else. The only time you tell the truth is when you're pretending to be Lataresa Jackson: a fat slag that loves black cock.
douchebagalow
As a rule, in a relationship, I would say you don't make a point to say other people are attractive. And if she ever says she wants to fellate a mediocre musician you gotta give that bitch her walking papers.
douchebagalow
Silence is not violence. I hate when they twist words and shit. Saw an ad the other day that said "The most important thing you can do is believe a victim of sexual assault." Really, the most important thing I could do? What if they're lying? Or what if I could cure cancer and find a cheap renewable fuel with no environmental impact that was 100% safe to extract? Wouldn't that be more important?
douchebagalow
I heard a smart dude, Harvard graduate, explain the reason that the double standard exists as this: it has only been since the 60s that we could really enjoy sex without thinking of consequences. Before that, even with the shitty condoms they had, sex could always lead right to procreation. thousands of years, we have known that sex=babies. A man can impregnate virtually thousands of women in his lifetime, father thousands of babies. So it's not a big deal if a guy slung some yogurt into a hundred or so useless cunts. BUT, a woman can have 5, maybe 10 babies in her lifetime (unless you go full Duggar), so why would she waste those precious chances with different (also no-good) dudes. Hence, a chick that's not selective and only keeps that shit sub-five dudes is a hoe.
douchebagalow
All's I'm saying is she looks like fuckin' Barf from Spaceballs. Domino in the comic has chalk white skin and a black eye patch. Dis some boolsheet. Keep the same actress but make her look like the comic, dammit.
douchebagalow
Did y'all know that Penisholes has had more cock in him than the Kitchen & Bath aisles at Home Depot? Also, his favorite shopping spot is Homo Depot? And he's been drilled more times than that practice board at Home Depot? I've got some more Home Depot material if you want to hear it.
douchebagalow
Penisholes biggest objection to this post is that you shouldn't drink bodily fluids. Guy ingests more white stuff than a man on an all yogurt diet. It's his only source of protein. IN FACT, every Thursday night, when he finishes servicing the Young Homo Nazi Brigade, he needs a bottle of Goo Gone and a spatula just to get the crusted spooge off his face and lower back, the fuckin' fanook. Where was I? Oh yeah, Penisholes is gay.
douchebagalow
Your response is to take a prank photo and put it on the internet rather than actually parent your kid? Also, the person who spends more time with your kid than you do should probably have some say in their upbringing.
douchebagalow
And she was only 14.... actually she was exactly 18 when they married but he knew her (not in the biblical sense, he claims) since she was 14.
douchebagalow
He's still disappointed in you. So you, what, recorded him laughing and then put it through some sound software to get that? he probably wishes you would have spent that time getting a haircut and a real job.
douchebagalow
So that she can further understand what it's like to be under attack, I suggest someone burst her in the fuckin' mooth. This shit has got to end, somehow.
douchebagalow
That pic of Penisholes was getting old, good to update the text books every and now, makes 'em worth the several hundred dollars they charge.
douchebagalow
They will soon remove every part of American history from Columbus thru Abraham Lincoln (cuz even though he freed the slaves he said some kinda racist stuff once). Fucking cunts.
douchebagalow
I'd be intimidated by a 40-foot tall obese chick. She could just pick me up and stuff me into her Sarlac Pit at any time. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
douchebagalow
You hafta wonder if the kid really came to his dad pleading to be Harley or if dad said, "Hey sparky, I haven't really been in the news or anything lately, it would make daddy look like such a good little PC bot if I took ya to comic can dressed like a chick. Whatcha say, I'll buy you that new video machine." Kid-"Gaaah. Ok. I wish you'd just get cast in another movie."
douchebagalow
I think our tastes do change as we age. You can probably remember being in elementary or middle school and having crushes on people or thinking they were hot. Now as we grow up, we obviously aren't attracted to children (except for Penisholes that is). I've been with my wife for 11 years and I can imagine that when we're old I'll still want to plow her like the North 40.
douchebagalow
Muslims don't believe in God. They believe in Muhammad, a man. A man who killed and ordered many killed and tortured. Oh and he raped his nine-year-old wife. The call him a prophet but he never prophesied anything. Islam is not a religion, it is a political system (Sharia) that involves converting/killing or bringing to their knees and enslaving all non-muslims. Not that millions of muslims aren't fine and peaceful people. But if they believe in the tenets of their religion, they are extremists. Your happy thought of the day.
douchebagalow
And also the stupidest. In 100 years when the planet has not melted, they shall look back and think, 'damn we were dumb.' And I say this as a proud half Irisher.
douchebagalow
Wait, I thought all of the children, dead people, illegal immigrants, and cartoon characters voted for Hillary? Also, if that is the only reason you voted for Trump (rather than the numerous reasons to vote for anyone BUT Hillary, you are a dunce).
douchebagalow
Justin Trudeau: Dresses up in blackface several times.
People: "Hey, why'd you do that?"
Justin Trudeau: "How bout we ban dem guns tho?"
People: "No, seriously, what's up with the black face?"
Justin Trudeau: "Climate change."
douchebagalow
unproblematic? That's fuckin' dumb. So people that are "problematic" don't age well? By the way, you should still look relatively young at 36 as long as you're not doing meth or something.
douchebagalow
Try that one on her and see how she likes it. Doesn't look too pleasant. And are you really so stoned you need instructions on how to open this fuckin' envelope?
douchebagalow
Going places... to the bread lines? I have a buddy that grew up in Soviet Russia. He remembers barely eating for days, standing in bread lines for 8 hours plus. Fuck this little shit, and moreso, fuck his parents.
douchebagalow
I was thinking that Lord Hummungus guy would comment. I was going to tell him to just walk away. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.
douchebagalow
Elect it to office, guarantee it will do a better job than whoever is there, even if it's only policy is to eat honey and fuck other bears.
douchebagalow
Once had a guy ask me for $60 for a hotel room. Another guy wanted $14 to pay a bill. What happened to "Brother can you spare 2 dimes?" Fuck y'all, I don't give anything.
douchebagalow
Penisholes has been blowing Jewish investment bankers for the last 12 years so the same thing happens when he hears the New York Stock Exchange opening bell.
douchebagalow
Penisholes smokes more pipe than the Cherokee nation. Also, he wanted to find out more about his relatives and his DNA so he went on Incestry.xom
douchebagalow
Penisholes has one of theses that extends from his taint to his lower back. Plenty of wear and tear back there. His anus has been pounded more times than Rodney King.
douchebagalow
Penisholes has choked up on more wood than Sammy Sosa. He's also swallowed more white stuff than the product testers at Oreo. In fact, he's so devoted to sucking cock that he has a tattoo on his chest that says "CHUG LIFE."
douchebagalow
Right, if we really like you, maybe realize you have a somewhat decent personality and qualities that we could see in a longterm relationship, we'll do that. If you talk about doing anal on Tinder, well, that's a different story...
douchebagalow
The photo on the left was when Penisholes, his mom and sister all got their period at the same time. They cycles synced during their trip over.
douchebagalow
Tryna remember what my comment was the last time they posted this picture, I think it was "That's a nice picture of you and your sister."
douchebagalow
I like how it mentions that it is transgender, completely unprompted. Hey if you meet a transgender vegan who's into cross fit and just got a rescue dog, which do they tell you about first?
douchebagalow
Maybe they treat you horribly because your'e a moron who can't talk or write and the only reason you got this job is because you're a retarded person of color?
douchebagalow
Kinda isn't. 75% of those mentioned are libs. And almost every other accusation (except for Roy Moore) has been a leftist politician or Hollywood type (Harvey Wienerstein, the instigaytor of all of this, donated heavily to Hill, Bill & Bama).
douchebagalow
So do they bring the bucket of rubbish inside the place? Cuz I don't want coffee somewhere that has 2000 recently used syringes sitting there.
douchebagalow
Looks like you transferred some of that weight into your forehead. Now it's out of proportion to the rest of your body. Hey, you don't want roasts, don't post your shit on the internet.
douchebagalow
From what I hear, what they are alleging about Harvey Weintraub isn't pedophilia. Guy likes jerkin' the gherkin' into a potted plant while someone watches, but neither that or honking Gwyneth Paltrows boob (what little there is) makes him a kiddie diddler.
douchebagalow
You never wash a coffee cup but for every 12 years or so. I remember my granny washed my grampa's coffee cup and he went off on her somethin' fierce.
douchebagalow
Sucks man. I love watching football. However, whether I disagree or agree with a political message, I WANT TO WATCH FOOTBALL, NOT POLITICS!! I don't want to see some fucking pageantry and kabuki theater of standing, kneeling, kneeling and standing, standing and looping arms... Shut the fuck up and catch the ball and slam your head into another dude's head so that you get CET in 20 years.
douchebagalow
We empower women to stay in the kitchen, usually while pregnant and barefoot, and also to not drive. Further they are empowered to walk behind their owner, wear cool ninja outfits, and be stoned to death if they commit the crime of being raped. Conference over!
douchebagalow
And by 'mysteriously appeared' you mean you ordered it on Amazon and had it shipped overnight. And yeah, Meaghan, maybe you shouldn't have called the Head of Marketing a "Fucking Jew Cuntrag."
douchebagalow
I would much rather PMS just run some commercials then do those fucking half-hour (or longer) telethons where they beg for money. It's pathetic. And for those that say "blah blah ads would make it corporate whatever" Guess what? They already have fucking ads. When they say "This program was brought you to by Summer's Eve Douche. Summer's Eve-when your gash needs a wash," That's a fucking commercial!
douchebagalow
Women's rights aren't a joke, women should have the same rights as everyone else, and right now they do. If you start adding a bunch of additional rights that men don't also have (Like 8 months of medical leave after having bairn) then it becomes unfair. And the whole abortion rights-'you can't tell me what to do with my own body-" What about the unborn babies body? Sorry but it has a heartbeat, it can feel pain, it can dream, ergo, it is a living thing/person. The right to choose-well I'm sure if babies could choose they would choose to live. Abortion should only be allowed in cases of rape, incest, medical reasons, or for Penisopholez's mom. And that was a long way to go to joke about Penisopholez being aborted, but it was worth it.
douchebagalow
Your wife says "Who? Who?" during sex? What do you answer? "The mailman! My friend from work! That guy you said was here to fix the cable!"
douchebagalow
Hear me, my brothers! No longer will be oppressed by being made to climb up the buttholes of perverts like Richard Gere and Penesopholez! Free from ass, free from ass, oh lord, we are free from ass!!
douchebagalow
The fuck is wrong with Huck FInn & To Kill a Mockingbird? They are masterpieces of literature, and, I'm sorry SJW shitheads, they aren't racist. Although they depict a time when there was rampant racism, the books are anti-racism. Huck Finn befriends a black man who goes by the name Nigger Jim-their relationship humanizes the slave. In Mockingbird, the lawyer DEFENDS a black guy wrongly accused of raping a white lady. The book shows why racism is wrong. Fucking idiots. SJWs and other enemies of free speech need to have their faces smashed under a fucking boot while the bill of rights gets read to them repeatedly.
douchebagalow
A Somalian refugee who came to this country two years ago praised Islam on facebook and then used a car and a knife to injure 11 people at Ohio State University. Ironically, one of the injured was an Army vet who served two tours in Iraq unscathed, only to be attacked on an American college campus. The attacker was shot dead by a police officer. Interestingly: last year our government brought 9000 Somali refugees to the US, and in the last 8 years, a total of over 40,000. 99% are muslim and the majority of them are males over the age of 14 (ergo-not women and children). The government has admitted there is no way to 'vet' these people, and by that they mean there is no way to tell if the person is an actual refugee or is a member of ISIS pretending to be a refugee
douchebagalow
Are you kidding me with this shit? The iphone 7 dropped a month ago and they are already pumping the iphone 8. Dis some bullshit right here.
douchebagalow
Practically Magic! Those ads are annoying as hell. Small improvements (and a huge jump back with the headphone jack) is not magic, you twats.
douchebagalow
Excuse me, "God moving over the face of the water." Still sucks. Everything is Wrong with your shite music... see what I did there? Cuz the album is called Everything is wrong. nyuck nyuck nyuck
douchebagalow
Can't really be hard to find a clitoris. Maybe guys just don't want to find yours because they don't care about your pleasure, just want to do the old pump n' dump, hit it n' quit it, kum & go, squirt & scram-type thing?
douchebagalow
If we really wanted to end this we'd send Comrade Bernie over there to explain to them how awesome Communism is. Sumbitch spent his honeymoon in the USSR fa Chrissakes, so I think he'd know.
douchebagalow
anyone who wants to provide a service or product and make a living doing it is a capitalist. Nothing wrong with that. What about a government that created a welfare state/safety net so that Americans don't NEED to take those low paying low skilled jobs when instead they can just use the EBT to buy Doritos. And how about a government that makes taxes and regulations so high that the only way a company can stay in business (keep people employed, provide you a product you can afford) is by offshoring and looking the other way on a Social Security number or three?
douchebagalow
I enjoy Bernie Mac's bit on Original Kings of Comedy about black people going on break (none of them were original or kings of comedy, tho). "When white people go on break at their job. 15 minutes. They go to their desk. They eat their cheese sandwich. Drink their God damn tea. 15 minutes they’re back on the fucking job. My people I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with us. But when we go on break, that’s just what the fuck we do…. we break. You got to look for our motherfucking ass. “You seen Johnny?”
douchebagalow
What's his plan? Murder all the cows (but don't eat 'em, compost 'em to grown kale) end all air travel, make it illegal to buy a Hummer (course this could put Penisholes out of work)?
douchebagalow
U R stupid, but sure some do that. I take mine as early as possible. Shit I'd take mine at 9 if I could. Lunch is the best part of the day.
douchebagalow
To any women that support gender neutral bathrooms... have you ever BEEN in a men's bathroom? They're disgusting hives of scum and villainy. And usually Penisholes is in there performing some kind of lewd sex act for money. And for money I mean he pays them.
douchebagalow
I think I'd rather be poor and sleeping on the floor than taking it in the keister. In fact, I'm positive. I'm doing very well and my wife once tried to sneak a pinky in there, it was terrible.
douchebagalow
It's actually somewhat of a myth that most (or many) Japanese chicks would be into Americans (at least the ones in Japan). Dating maybe, but usually not marriage. I should know, I schtupped my way across Osaka and Kyoto and not one of those tramps would marry me.
douchebagalow
The only thing I know for sure is you once throated all 37 members of the Virginia Branch of the Nazi/KKK/We Swear We Aren't Gay Association. I don't think this site has admins... Otherwise it wouldn't be so shitty and have the numbering fucked up. I've seen your vote total sway, not long ago it was above -50k. So you try to manipulate it but the fact everyone gives a downvote on your inane racist prattle makes it futile. You gobble more than a Christmas turkey!
douchebagalow
I wouldn't let your Scottish ass out, either. The fookin' Scots had an opportunity to vote to give themselves freedom from GB and they chose to remain. Fuckin' panty waists.
douchebagalow
and the library is still gonna ask for more money the next election cycle. I'm all for libraries but I think some, like this one, get too much money.
douchebagalow
I think I'll go there every day, order the cheapest thing on the menu, have my water refilled 37 times, and tip nothing, and then see how much the fucks like me.
douchebagalow
You should go downtown and pay a homeless man $12.93 to smash you in the head with a golf club a couple times. Then repeat this process until you no longer think it's a good idea send your son to school in a dress.
douchebagalow
Hey what's the difference between Penisholes and the American flag? It would be wrong to set the American flag on fire. What do Penisholes and the Rocky Mountains have in common? They both got pounded with 12 inches this weekend.
douchebagalow
So they were half right? i like those odds. They also nominated Penisholes, twice, as Most Likely to Chug Semen In The Back of A 1993 Geo Prizm During 4th Period.
douchebagalow
I know that chick. We used to call her Fingercuffs. Back in senior year she blew Rick Derris while Cohee Lundin fucked her from behind. They had her locked up like a pair of goddamn Chinese finger cuffs!
douchebagalow
No, that is there because of the dumbasses that can't calculate what a tip is. You can still tip or not. However, if you live in a tipping society, you need to tip if you go out.
douchebagalow
Classy mom. Both confirming that you're a slag and telling your child it's an accident. Someone oughtta kick ya in the cunt and use you for a snowshoe.
douchebagalow
Drafted for the military? So this was in the 70s or before? So an all-growns up man is writing this shit, including "icanfixthat.jpeg?" Sorry, I just think these anon things are fuckin' dumb.
douchebagalow
What's sadder than this story is that some motherless fuck would make it up for attention on the internet. Someone ought to punch him in his nonexistent penis.
douchebagalow
This butterfly, much like it's counterpart in the bird family, spends much of its time defending those that have been wrongly accused of rape.
douchebagalow
This passes for high entertainment over in the UK. There's a dump on the outskirts of my town. I learned it was $70 to dispose of a mattress there. And wouldn't you know it you drive around and see mattresses dumped all over the fucking place.
douchebagalow
I hate your life too because it is so fucking pathetic that you would stage this photo to get a couple chucks from assholes on the internet. Fuck you.
douchebagalow
I saw the mugshot of the motherless fuck that did the shooting (first of all, why Waffle House?) But you can clearly tell he's off his bean. Seems each time one of these shooters come out you can tell just by looking at them that they're fucked in the head. Just look at the mugshots of that Youtube shooter lady, the Florida School Shooter, Aurora Theater Shooter, et. al.
douchebagalow
Facebook has shown a bias against Trump/conservatives (note the recent banning of a Pro Trump sister duo Diamond and Silk). They are known to shadowban and block fans of prominent conservative members. If anyone who had their data scraped by some company and then was targeted with a few memes changed their vote because of that, they are fuckin' idjits. Also, if our gubmint is currently fascist, it was definitely fascist when Obama was in power too.
douchebagalow
It seems with the advent of social media, mental illness has increased 600%. Whereas what most of these people need is a good beating and they'd snap out of it.
douchebagalow
Actually, the performance wasn't that good, though her banshee wail didn't improve it. Chuck & John sounded screamy and their guitars out of tune-I don't if it was just the sound that sucked on the show or what. Pretty sure Chuck was high.
douchebagalow
If I witness a heart attack does that make a national authority on preventing heart attacks? These little shits had a little good will when they first came out but they have trashed it all by saying all NRA members or anyone who supports any right to bear arms is PRO killing children and has blood on their hands. "We don't want to take away your guns" they say... but first they talk about taking away the AR 15, now many of them are talking about taking away semi-automatic weapons... that's almost ALL weapons except for rifles. Every handgun (minus rifles) is semi-automatic. Fuck David Hogg and the rest of 'em.
douchebagalow
And? Did she bring 4 extra mops or what? Ever sat around while a waiter did their job and brought you food? Well you're a fucking misogynist then.
douchebagalow
Sorry but, if you're on the Chan, you're autistic. No normies allowed. Also, pretty sure none of this happened. So someone who would make up this story is definitely autistic.
douchebagalow
Hopin' this kid gets the business at whatever school he's in now. He 'Invented' a clock... YOU DIDN'T INVENT SHIT! Clock has been around for some time. You just put one in a pencil box and put some wires and shit in it so people rightfully thought it was a bomb. Bullshit.
douchebagalow
I'd accept the delivery. Although I actually met my wife on line. No wait, that's not right. I got her online. I thought I was bidding on an Oriental rug.
douchebagalow
Well she sure-as-shit failed at making a good movie, or giving a performance in said piece-of-sheet movie. Maybe her next one will be great? But I kinda doubt it.
The thing I don't like about her is she claims racism but then pretty much everything she does (most of the parts in SNL and GotBusted) are just playing up racial stereotypes.
douchebagalow
Mohammad also "married" a 6-year-old and then consummated the marriage when she hit the ripe old age of 9. Weird that muslims don't even believe Mohammad was a profit, as the Christians do with Jeebus. They know he is just a dude, a dude who raped children, murdered, and also ordered murders. I heard today as well that there is an area near London called Bradford where 75% of the Muslim population is married to their 1st cousin. That's fucked.
douchebagalow
There is just no way government can give you "free healthcare." You either pay really high taxes OR you get rationing. Good luck waiting months to see a doc and years for a surgery. Getting government in the mix is not the way to make ANYTHING less expensive. The state of California recently did a study of what it would cost to give everyone in CA single payer healthcare, and they found that it would cost 200 BILLION MORE than what they are collecting. And they still want to do it. It just doesn't work financially.
douchebagalow
I'm ____ and I don't like fucking my husband, which is why he goes looking for vulnerable college pussy. Because he is 15 years older and has some money he seems much cooler than the other college dudes, and this is why this chick fucked him. I'm also a cunt that shames/posts personal info of this college girl rather than place the blame on my husband or my self. My name is Sharon and I haven't sucked my husband since George W Bush's first term in office.
douchebagalow
His parents decided for him at age 2 that he was transgender. Then they put his shit on the internet so people would tell them how brave they are.
douchebagalow
Pretty sure that any pick-a-nik bench can seat adults, children, and people in wheelchairs (they just wheel up to the side). Buy the kitchen a 6 pack? Fuck you, I'm buying a meal.
douchebagalow
If he had stuck to tea instead of heavy barbiturates, he could have lived long enough to become a parody of himself and to have a "Where Are They Now" spread in People magazine.
douchebagalow
At least she's got a couple new holes you can try out. If she wraps 'em around your jobber a couple times she can get some good friction.
douchebagalow
Hey I thought charitable donations were supposed to be for the charity, and largely anonymous. Once you make it about yourself and make a fucking music video about it, you're just stroking yourself off and hoping everyone pats you on the back and tells you what a saint you are. Fuck off.
douchebagalow
You know that "98% of scientists believe man-caused climate change" line? That was 75 out of 77 scientists. But 31,000 scientists have a signed a pledge saying they don't believe in it.
douchebagalow
Gramps is a serious gamer. at 3:00 you can see a roll of toilet paper on the desk. This is so he can shit in the trashcan and wipe himself without having to leave the computer during clan raids.
douchebagalow
Wouldn't be the first time I've been up to my ears in pussy. My last girlfriend's pussy was as big as a house. The last time I went down on her, I said "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy." She asked my why I said it twice. I said, "I didn't."
douchebagalow
Weed is 4 times more addictive than alcohol, and today's ganja is about 6x more potent than the stuff from the 70s. Also, I hear the massive influx of "Residentially Challenged" people are there for the legal weed, brah.
douchebagalow
The snipers are poorly positioned. All the student had to do was put a couple in the backs of their heads and then he makes it to his mid term on time. Conundrum solved.
douchebagalow
Fuck y'all stereotypes! I'm white enough to sun burn in February, YET I put hot sauce on everything and eat normally eat dishes spicy enough to scorch the butthole of most mere mortals. Oh, and missionary is my LEAST favorite sex position. 1.Doggy 2.Reverse Cowgirl 3.Cowgirl 4-9 are too disgusting even mention, and then at 10 you have missionary.
douchebagalow
wow so amazing to see something that could never possibly produce the amount of energy that it took to make it, and thus is just a 400 foot tall eagle killing penis for greenies to jerk off over.
douchebagalow
That's no fair, how was Penisholes's mom supposed to know that his food bill was gonna be $5000 a month. And that's mostly just chicken tendies.
douchebagalow
Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers were coming here as early as the late 1600s to trade with the Native Americans.
Actually, it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
douchebagalow
Here's an idea. Next time, take your $200 and instead go pay a homeless guy to smash you in the head with a golf club a couple six times. That'll fuckin' fix ya right up.
douchebagalow
All I know about her is in the song that Nicki Minaj wrote about her, "Stupid Hoe." Which contains the lyrics, "You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe."
douchebagalow
It was pretty decent, wouldn't say it's Oscar worthy. Kinda like it was TRYING to be Oscar worthy with some of the drawn out "arty" scenes. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood should sweep the awards.
douchebagalow
He got no regard at all, I tell ya. He and his wife were happy for twenty years. Then they met.
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could…but he pulled through.”
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!
My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
One year they wanted to make me poster boy… for birth control.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair."
douchebagalow
Did y'all listen to Greta Thunberger's speech? Pretty threatening. "We are watching you." "How dare you!" " You are failing us. But the young people are starting to understand your betrayal. The eyes of all future generations are upon you. And if you choose to fail us, I say: We will never forgive you. We will not let you get away with this. Right here, right now is where we draw the line. Change is coming whether you like it or not!" And I think she means if not by law then by the barrel of a gun. Fuck you, kid. She said cutting emissions by 50% is not enough... so we need to end everything now including car/plane travel, cows, coal/gas/oil, etc?
douchebagalow
Because they have very little experience with non Japs, they can be ignorant and stereotype them. Happens to any non melting-pot culture.
douchebagalow
This guy released a second song and announced he was gay. However, he needn't have bothered. All he had to do was tell us that he did a song with Billy Ray Cyrus. That will suffice.
douchebagalow
If it's Shaq it should be about 50% accurate. But I'll save you some time, if you are buying a Shaq pregnancy test, you are pregnant. That is the test.
douchebagalow
listening to music at the beach goes all the way back to the invention of the transistor radio. Groove or move, ya puss. You're the guy in the ad that the dude kicks sand on.
douchebagalow
Penisholes is something of a blowing artist himself... in fact his customers consider him to be a fuckin' Michaelangelo at that activity.
douchebagalow
I have no problem with someone buying a Tesla because they think it's cool, like the idea of an electric car, etc. But don't tell me you're saving on gas (the cheap model I believe is $70k, no way you'll save enough to pay for that) and you're not saving the environment. All you're doing is moving the tailpipe.
douchebagalow
But at least you get the convienence of only being able to drive 300-400 miles on a single charge, and one charge takes 9-20 hours! Great for road trips!
douchebagalow
George Carlin: "People walkin’ around all day long every minute of the day, worried about everything. Worried about the air, worried about the water, worried about the soil. Worried about insecticides, pesticides, food additives, carcinogens, worried about radon gas, worried about asbestos, worried about saving endangered species.
Lemme tell ya bout endangered species, awright? Saving endangered species is just one more arrogant attempt by humans to control Nature. It’s arrogant meddling. It’s what got us in trouble in the first place. Doesn’t anybody understand that? Interfering with Nature. Over 90 percent, over, way over 90 percent, of the species that have ever lived on this planet, ever lived, are gone. Wooosh! They’re extinct. We didn’t kill them all. They just disappeared. That’s what nature does. They disappear these days at the rate of 25 a day—and I mean regardless of our behavior. Irrespective of how we act on this planet, 25 species that were here today will be gone tomorrow. Let them go gracefully. Leave Nature alone. Haven’t we done enough? We’re so self-important, so self-important. Everybody’s gonna save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all, save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven’t learned to care for one another—we’re gonna save the fuckin’ planet? I’m gettin’ tired of that shit. Tired of that shit. Tired.
I’m tired of fuckin’ Earth Day, I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white bourgeoise liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren’t enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world safe for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalist don’t give a shit about the planet, they don’t care about the planet, not in the abstract they don’t, not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They’re worried that someday in the future they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me. Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet, nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The people are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doin’ great! It’s been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We’ve been here, what? A hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand and we’ve only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we’re a threat? That somehow we’re gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that’s just a floatin’ around the sun? The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sunspots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles, hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids, and meteors, world-wide floods, tidal waves, world-wide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages, and we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference?
The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are! We’re goin’ away. Pack your shit, Folks, we’re goin’ away. We won’t leave much of a trace either, thank god for that. Maybe a little styrofoam, maybe, little styrofoam. Planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake, an evolutionary cul de sac. The planet will shake us off like a bad case of fleas, a surface nuisance. You wanna know how the planet’s doin’? Ask those people at Pompeii, who were frozen into position from volcanic ash. How the planet’s doin’. Wanna know if the planet’s alright, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia, or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. How about those people in Kilauea, Hawaii who built their homes right next to an active volcano and then wonder why they have lava in the living room. The planet will be here for a long, long, long time after we’re gone and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself ’cuz that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it’s true that plastic is not degradable well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allows us to be spawned from it in the first place: it wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it, needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old philosophical question, “Why are we here?” “Plastic, assholes.”
So, so, the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now. And I think that’s really started already, don’t you? I mean, to be fair, the planet probably sees us as a mild threat, something to be dealt with, but I’m sure the planet will defend itself in the manner of a large organism like a bee hive or an ant colony can muster a defense. I’m sure the planet will think of something. What would you do, if you were the planet trying to defend against this pesky, troublesome species? Let’s see, what might, viruses, viruses might be good, they seem vulnerable to viruses. And, viruses are tricky, always mutating and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed. Perhaps this first virus could be one that compromises the immune system in these creatures. Perhaps a human immuno deficiency virus making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along, and maybe it could be spread sexually, making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.
Well, that’s a poetic note. And it’s a start. But I can dream, can’t I? I don’t worry about the little things, bees, trees, whales, snails. I think we’re part of a greater wisdom than we’ll ever understand, a higher order, call it what you want. You know what I call it? The Big Electron. The Big Electron. Woooohhhh, woooohhhh, woooohhhh. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is, and so are we, for a little while. Thanks for being here with me for a little while tonight."
douchebagalow
The worst thing about this chick is you know that she's only given head like twice. Once on her wedding night, once when she wanted the new generation Prius.
douchebagalow
I bet that dog sometimes thinks 'you know other dogs gets to lay around the house lickin' their balls and occasionally playin' fetch. I gotta be jumpin' outta planes and shit."
douchebagalow
The other day I told your aunt, "Jeez you got a big pussy." "Jeez you got a big pussy." She said, "Why'd you say it twice." I said, "I didn't." You know, because of the echo.
douchebagalow
What about the kids they didn't want? Kids are a much bigger pain in the tookus than a puppy. I mean, you gotta feed kids like every day.
douchebagalow
Penisholes would like to touch that guy's bag. Pretty much any guy's bag. In fact, he's like a rooster, his motto is "Any Cock'll Do!" Guy can suck a golfball through 25 feet of garden hose. And does, regularly, to keep his throat limber.
douchebagalow
I think in my state when you factor in only being required to work 180 days their average pay for STARTING is like $40 an hour. Fuck that, pay 'em less. And their benefits are normally great.
douchebagalow
pomegranates happen to be the most high-maintenance and shitty fruit. You have to eat the seeds... and you can't even eat 'em, you just suck on 'em.
douchebagalow
She was the worst part of that movie. Her character was as offputting as fuck. And then they do the reveal at the end where she calls herself "MJ." Really hope she is not the love interest in the next film. She's "Woke" though so I guess that's all that matters.
douchebagalow
Penisholes has had his keyhole aligned a couple thousand times. You know, he has said that homosexuality is a mental disorder. If so, that makes him nuttier than Chinese chicken salad, mmkay. He should be up in Juniper Hill getting regular electric shock treatments from Nurse Rached.
douchebagalow
I took 4 flights over the holidays and I would gladly drive 14 hours to avoid that shit again. I went thru customs which was extra horrible.
douchebagalow
Instead of paying $100+ an hour for therapy, just pay someone $10 to smash you in the head with a golf club a couple times. It'll save time and money, and hopefully we fr won't have to ready any more of these shite tweets.
douchebagalow
This topical depression has been upgraded to a Class 3 Kill Storm! Let's check the death count from the killer storm bearing down on us like a shotgun full of rain.
"Well, Kent, as of now the death count is zero. But it is ready to shoot right up."
douchebagalow
What is the trend of people taking pictures of themselves next to the thing with a stupid fucking expression on their face. Why not just take a picture of the thing? Or if you're going to be in pic, why not smile or something? You look like you're straining to shit out a 3 foot long dildo but you're kind of enjoying it.
douchebagalow
Just imagine... just think for a second how much time this cunt spent getting everything set up to take this photo. Christ. What a fuckin' puke. All so he could get some likes on the internet. Go blow a hog, you dipshit.
douchebagalow
Yeah, normally the only time people want to be around a cunt is when they're fucking it or eating it, so that's why no one is there for ya. Ya fuckin' axe wound.
douchebagalow
Willem has got to be thankful he's an actor and can play ghouls in movies. What if he had a real job? You imagine what you'd do that guy shows up to fix your cable? "Yeah I think the signal is NYAAAAAAAAAH!"
douchebagalow
Did they shoot Agent Johnson or Special Agent Johnson? (No relation). Just like fuckin' Saigon, eh kid? I was in junior high, dickhead. Quotes from the best movie ever made.
douchebagalow
He ain't wrong. In the 20s, people were using $20 gold coins. the gubmint wanted to take them off the market, so they gave people $20 bills. If you have that $20 bill today, it's worth $20. But if you had that gold coin, it'd be worth about $1200.
douchebagalow
Penisholes keeps searching 'big black cock' and is disappointed when this keeps coming up. Poor shithead forgot to take off 'safe search.'
douchebagalow
Honestly I didn't think the rep was that bad. He has to ask these questions and go through his script otherwise QA will dock him and possibly hurt his bonus or something else. All the customer had to do was answer the 1-2 questions, rather than being a bitch. You can tell by the fact that he is recording the call and clearly performing for what he thinks will be his audience that he wants more to get a call experience he can put up on Utube than just cancel his service. The rep was actually pretty nice and clearly was worried about his job if the guy cancelled. Maybe he already lost 10 accounts today. It blows but call centers have to have some ways to measure agents and make sure they are doing their job, rather than just immediately disconnecting the dude when he asks for it.
douchebagalow
When you think about it, she must have had some incredible pussy, and skull game like Skeletor. She looks like the entire LAPD beat her with ugly sticks, and she's shrill and annoying as hell. Lennon probably could have had literally any chick he wanted, yet he chose her. She musta had sugar walls like the witch from Hansel and Gretel.
douchebagalow
So what is Pornhub Premium? I admit I've used the site a few times to fire off some knuckle children, but it was free and took like 2 mins. Why would you pay for prawn?
douchebagalow
Question: If someone witnesses a heart attack, does that make them a national authority on preventing heart attacks? Does it help if they're 16?
douchebagalow
We can't blame millennials or other young kids for how they turned out-we raised them. We put them in schools that didn't teach them things and the stuff they did teach them was mostly bullshit. We allowed them to receive participation trophies, we allowed them to spend 6 hours a day in front of some kind of screen. When I say we, I mean you, because I'm raising my chillun's right.
douchebagalow
I heard some jackanape saying "this bridge was about unity, about strength, about bringing people together." There's your problem, it should have been about BEING A FUCKING BRIDGE and not COLLAPSING.
douchebagalow
I think it should be perfectly legal for the parents to strangle all of those kids. Not kill, just enough to cut off air to their windpipe and make em pass out for a bit.
douchebagalow
"Accidentally." By the way, I loved the original Blade Runner, but this was about 40 minutes too long. Some parts were really good, some not great. It was visually stunning but would give it about a 7.5/10.
douchebagalow
Just rewatching this the other day. The special edition Bluray has about 30 mins of extra scenes-not all of them needed but interesting. Any way, great frickin' flick.
douchebagalow
just got a bukkake from Old Man Winter, Jack Frost, and the Abominable Snow Man. Jesus Christ I've made this joke like 20 times now. Stop posting these fucking pics!
douchebagalow
Did he do a sad monologue about gun violence or how his kid almost died? Cuz that's what I 'spect when I watch the Kimmel show. JK I don't watch it.
douchebagalow
Lady has a point. You pay for rock you shouldn't get plastic. But then again, the chick in the Martin shirt makes some salient points. DAAAAMN, GINA!
douchebagalow
Hmm and oddly enough if I found a cigarette on the ground I wouldn't think to pick it up. Are you going to fucking wash it off or put hand sanitizer on it first?
douchebagalow
I think about all of the people are on the internet that are "dead" "shaking" "Literally cryiiiiing." and I really wish they would get hit by a bus.
douchebagalow
Similar to what you can find on Penishole's mom's vagina. I once said "Geez you got a big pussy, geez you got a big pussy" she asked why did I say it twice, I said "I didn't." You know, cuz of the echo.
douchebagalow
Saw the new IT movie, the fat kid had innie nips. I was like what the fuck? But then I remembered Penisholes has an innie penis so I guess it makes sense.
douchebagalow
I once left a nice restaurant with some leftover braised lamb. Tried to give a homeless guy the braised lamb. He wouldn't take it. You think they're gonna take some bruised apricots?
douchebagalow
If fluoride is poison wouldn't 99.092% of the population in America be sick and dying? And in every other country that does it? But clearly there are some healthy muhfuckas walking around.
douchebagalow
And the sad thing is, there are still guys out there who would slam that clam, however, no dude like that could ever get laid (just ask Penisholes). Now why can't she fight for that gender inequality, huh??
douchebagalow
Dahmer is Dead
Dahmer is Dead
A broomstick bashed him upside his head
Upside the head, upside the head
Bloody broomstick
Dahmer is dead
Am I supposed to feel outrage?
Am I supposed to feel sorrow?
Jeffery Dahmer has no right tommorrow
Dahmer is Dead
Dahmer is Dead
A broomstick bashed him upside his head
douchebagalow
That's just Penisholes' mom's vagina. Damn thing done prolapsed again after she took on the entire Detroit Lions 53-man roster. That was a wild Tuesday, I tell ya.
douchebagalow
Oakland: you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. But, if you are a news organization and find a dude named Bubb Rubb and DON'T put him on TV, you aren't doing your job.
douchebagalow
Blade Runner is my favorite Sci Fi movie. Cowboy Bebop is my favorite anime (I actually don't really like many others). This could be sweet. Looking forward to 2049. (The book by Philip K. Dick is pretty sweet as well, although very different).
douchebagalow
If what I've seen in Requiem for a Dream is true, she'll soon be going ass-to-ass with a double-sided-dildo. Something Penisholes and his KKK buddies have been known to do of a Tuesday evening.
douchebagalow
Yeah pretty sure if any kid bit someone more than once he would get punched or at least flung off and wouldn't do it again. So I'm gonna file this in the 'things on the internet that didn't happen' section.
douchebagalow
Ha Ha HAAA. Yeah this didn't happen, like probably 99.2% of all of the other anon stories. I've never once seen a kid that ran around and bit people and if he did, I would think it was the zombie apocalypse and I would punt the little shit.
douchebagalow
And right after they put them on, they turn to their buddy and go "How do I look? Get it? Because I can't see with this fakakta over my eyes. Oy!"
douchebagalow
Not gonna watch this, only thing with Jack Black i like watching is the Jackal, that scene where he gets shot by the massive gun. I could watch that on repeat all day. Here ya go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzFnY1c1PQg
douchebagalow
Brazil for good for two things: beautiful asses and waxing pussies. And they can just coast on those achievements forever, as far as I'm concerned.
douchebagalow
Damn. My mom worked at a family video while I was in elementary/middle school. It was in a tiny town. Guess there are still a few out there. Having my mom work there meant free movies all the fookin' time. It was sweet, mate.
douchebagalow
Looooong way to go for a semi funny punchline, except that by the time you get there, you don't care anymore. I do like this guys other joke about bladerunning.
douchebagalow
That's some funny shit right there. But the real BJ Lord is Penesopholez. Did y'all know he won Wyoming's 8th Annual Goat Blowing Contest? Guy sucked 75 goats to completion in under 90 minutes. He would have kept going but the judges finally had to drag him away. The man just likes to fellate domesticated ruminant animals (and anything else of the male sex).
douchebagalow
Yeah this didn't happen. Instead Anon sat at home in his adult diapers, torrented a copy of Zootopia, jerked off to it, then wrote this story.
douchebagalow
That's some funny shit. Glad this movie wasn't made today as it would have gotten shut down by Twitter warriors. I remember in nine-teen sebnee fi' they said the N word in a skit on Saturday Night Live. Fookin' national TV mate.
douchebagalow
Yo Dawg we heard you liked cookies n cream so we put some cookies n cream flavored cream in yo cookies so you can have cookies n cream cookies n cream.
douchebagalow
Hubba hubba hubba, money money money, who do ya trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? He's at home. Washin' his tights! Ahahahahaha huh... uh oh..
douchebagalow
The rest of the quote. "And together, the white man and the black man will come together, in our hatred of the Asians. They are icky. And not to mention the Eskimo."
douchebagalow
She knows what it says, she's just proud of her profession. It's nice to see a proud, independent woman. She don't need no man... except to pay her to stick their penis down her throat.
douchebagalow
"My homeboy Fido gets to lay around and lick his nuts all day, I gotta take care a some fuckin' dude what can't see. Bullshit, man." -Teddy
douchebagalow
My wifey and I do Valentine's day on the 15th. You can actually get into a restaurant, flowers/chocolate and all that shit is half off. I still slip her the salchicha on the 14th though.
douchebagalow
Feels pretty good to be the same sex as Einstein, Jonas Salk (hey you know how you don't have Polio?) Da Vinci, Michael Jordan, Patton, John Lennon, Jesus H. Christ, and millions of others that made massive contributions to our society. It must feel good for you to, though, because you're the same sex as all of the ladies who spread their legs and birthed those men.
douchebagalow
They already have a big front pocket. It's the back-pocket that is quite small, unless you're Penisopholez then you can fit an orange in there without any resistance.
douchebagalow
Loved in The Game of Death when he fought Bruce Lee. That was some real shit. Not sure if you saw the movie but Bruce died before much of the filming so they used a stunt actor for most of it (beside the fight sequences) and in one scene used a cardboard cutout.
douchebagalow
"Now, tell me, how many statues have you taken a shit on? Only 30? Well, we thank you for coming in today, but we need someone who is serious about shitting on monuments."
douchebagalow
If only Penizoloft's mom had this model. She would have thrown him in there and used the popcorn setting if it that's what it took to get her HungrySlag dinner heated up.
douchebagalow
Replace the pig in the back with a 7-foot-tall basketball player from Durham, the rabbit with a 60-year-old investment banker named Saul Greenberg, and the middle piggy with Penisonhishead, and you'll have an idea what his average Tuesday nights are like.
douchebagalow
We need ya back, Abe! It's high time we plunged this country into a bloody civil war again. This time though instead of writing letters back home, we can just tag our beloved on facebook. It'll be cool. Someone should make this into a dystopian movie.
douchebagalow
If they go with the 2nd one from the bottom you know Penisonhishead will be clamoring to go. Then he can finally say he has a 4th grade education.
douchebagalow
What does Penisopholez' boyfriend say when Peniso is getting ready to take a trip? "Want me to pack your shit for ya?" Penisopholez got in a fight in a gay bar. He and the other guy went outside to exchange blows. Why can't Penisopholez car go faster than 68 MPH? Because at 69 he blows a rod.
douchebagalow
I think both of you fagolas ought to take turns mining for nuggets in each other's poop shaft. You could take alternate who gets to have the picture of Haley Joe Osment (circa Sixth Sense) taped on the back of your head.
douchebagalow
This douche once threw a porn star off a roof, and she broke her foot. Don't remember her name but I looked up one of her videos and she was definitely worth firing off a few knuckle children. He also released his own set of emojis. I'm not sure why I know so much about this fanook, but I guess it's because of webshites like this. On a side note, Penisoftolez thinks about this guy when he's taking the ol' hard salami up the shit box.
douchebagalow
A treat that both black and white folks can enjoy. Anyone see 'Wimbledon?' Kinda funny movie. There is an American sports agent and he asks his English tennis player "What do you call these little cucumber sandwiches?" The guy says, "Cucumber sandwiches." He replies, "You've got a name for everything."
douchebagalow
Shut the fuck up and embrace the commercialism, dickhole. If you want to make your family shitty little clay sculptures or whatever, do it. But until a 'mom n pop' shop starts making Blu-ray discs and publishing Stephen King novels, you can eat me.
douchebagalow
Looks like Biden is about to put Obama in a police car. Sorry, there's no way these two actually like each other. Obama selected him so his cracker ass would be Barry's bitch for 8 years. Remember when Joe basically said "Obama is bright, clean, articulate. Not like the others! We've never had one of these before!" Fucking hilarious.
douchebagalow
maybe buck the fuck up and eat an onion, sunshine. I guess you don't have the onions for it. And if you got onions, they are the easiest thing to pick off, so do it and then shut the fuck up instead of instagramming your shitty mea.
douchebagalow
Yes there is hope... no matter how much of a nutless wonder you are, it's possible that you could have a hot sister who you could pretend on the internet is your girlfriend.
douchebagalow
Taking aborted fetuses from the rich and giving to the poor! Who can then part out said fetal tissue for money. Drug money. Ah the system works!
douchebagalow
#19 Damn check out the gargoyle in the back there. I think the photographer only took the photo of the big-titted chick to see if Nosferatu there would show up on film or not.
douchebagalow
I heard he got hired on to do a Subway commercial. Here is the script: Hi, I'm Juicy Smo-yay, here to talk to you about delicious Subway Sandwiches.
Whether you're at work, at home, or out in the freezing cold at 2AM, Subway is there for you.
Whenever I want to fake a hate crime, Subway has what I need to keep me going.
And guess what? Now they take checks.
(Subway worker)Hey Juicy! Now, Subway will deliver to you with Grub Hub! So you don't have to
leave the house on those cold nights and pretend that guys in MAGA hats threw bleach on you.
Juicy-What if I say that the delivery guy that brings my sandwich called me a faggot?
Subway-well, we'd really appreciate you didn't, but...
Juicy, thumbs up-Thanks Subway!
douchebagalow
Saw the caption first, thought this was going to be about those dudes that stand in front of Home Depot looking for landscaping/drywall work.
douchebagalow
Ah that's fuckin' funny. The place across the street is having a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood at the same time. They really want to kill some babies.
douchebagalow
Definitely one of the most majestic places to be raped and murdered, and have your decapitated body found by a detective that makes bad jokes, like, "Looks she started to get A HEAD of herself."
douchebagalow
It's just another in a long line of pro-domestic abuse songs, like "I kissed my baby with my fist" By Merle Haggard and "When he hits me it feels like kisses" by the Crystals. Good stuff.
douchebagalow
That's a dumb fucking sign. I'm betting the little shit just wanted an excuse to skip class-I mean what kid doesn't? Greta Thunbergers says that we stole her childhood... no, you could have had a childhood and played with Polly Pocket and shit but instead your parents/teachers either made or let you get obsessed with this climate shit. I don't care how bad the world is... even if the death was knocking on the door, I feel it would be my job as a parent to make my kids feel as safe as possible and for them to have a good childhood.
douchebagalow
Specially Beta O'Cuck. Did you see that shit bag try to cook a burger? Why the fuck would you put a video of you making a burger and attempt to "humanize" yourself if you have no idea what the fuck a burger is? Man never ate a burger in his life. No condiments (no ketchup, mustard, mayo or special sauce) served on a fucking ENGLISH Muffin, some raw onions and nothing else. Oh a side of two raw broccolis. Fuckin' sick burger brah. He's a fucknut. Also, how he tries "Hispanglish-ize" himself by calling himself "Beto" because he lives in a largely Hispanic district.
douchebagalow
Instrumentation/melody: meh. Kinda catchy. Lyrics: totally unoriginal, cliched, uninspired. ("Keep ya on the bottom shelf.") Your voice sounds kinda like Donovan. Not terrible, but not great. 10 years? Christ man. The Beatles recorded the White Album, that's 30 songs, in 4 and a half months. 4.5 for effort. I'm just saying this for your benefit.
douchebagalow
Did you know the planet has about 8 TIMES more trees than we had 100 years ago? Didn't hear that one on National fuckin' Geographic, did ya? And one of the reasons it has gone up so much is that when those evil developers build on previously useless land, they plant trees.
douchebagalow
I'm so glad we are sharing all of this shit now... mystery is dead! I didn't even know women took shits until I was already a man. Those of us, born in the darkness.
douchebagalow
Do you want a Jason Bourne style thriller? Cuz this is how you get a Jason Bourne style thriller. Or, to a lesser extent, a Ben Affleck middling sci-fi thriller like Paycheck. Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo.
douchebagalow
Better take a couple pics, upload 'em to facebook and insta, wait for a few likes and comments before I pull the little shit out of there.
douchebagalow
slight difference between being in a relationship or flirting (yes clitpics are the new mash notes) and being paid $20 to suck off a trucker under the bridge, then having $18 of that taken by the dude that keeps his pimp hand strong by tuning you up every once while. Penisholes still appreciates that $2, hell he'd do it for free, but it's the principle, you know.
douchebagalow
Seeing as you're failing at your job, no, fuck you. Although, this does remind of the Steve Martin movie LA Story, which is a good flick.
douchebagalow
I don't know if it's happened yet but I'm positive there will be a time when Looney Toons is taken off TV because it will be deemed racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic (when Bugs dresses up like a chick/etc).
douchebagalow
And now you know why the US government will never become a complete dictatorship (unless the people vote our rights away, possible) or why US will never be invaded by a foreign power. As the architect of the Pearl Harbor attack, Yamamoto said, "You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."
douchebagalow
I think it's funny when people say they are buying a Tesla to save on gas... You buy a $70,000 car instead of a near-identical $40,000 gas vehicle. It takes you 40 years to make up that $30,000 difference, you daft cunt. Not counting replacing that expensive battery once or twice, OR the cost of electricity.
douchebagalow
Non traditional, huh? So what, he rips the garter off your dad? Funny because the slag in the blue dress is the one that looks the least marriageable.
douchebagalow
A roomful of Japanese businessmen asked Penisholes in broken English if he knew what Bukkake was. Penisholes replied: "Come again?" Ha, I just made that up, that's fuckin' funny there.
douchebagalow
Not really. Not everyone was fucked up by their parents. Many people that might have had shitty parents went on to better themselves because of it. So shut the fuck up.
douchebagalow
You didn't know how to write an address and put a stamp on a fucking postcard, you autistic piece of shit? And you felt the need to include that in the story? Ya fuckin' simp.
douchebagalow
I'm glad you were able to capture this selfless and charitable deed and put it up on the internet so we can all see your altruistic spirit.
douchebagalow
The groomsmen are supposed to be given the job of dragging any slag that is ruining the wedding out of there by the short and curlies, be it this lady, the mother-in-law, or the bride herself.
douchebagalow
Oh my god who the hell cares. How we give some likes to Susie over here who was never anorexic and never obese-congrats Susie for maintaining a normal fuck weight. Fuck off all of you fatties and Skeletors.
douchebagalow
Once took Benadryl. Passed out, had a very realistic dream/hallucination that my hand had turned into a cottage-cheese like substance and poured out of my sleeve. Have never taken it again.
douchebagalow
Well sure, when a doc splits open your schlong and then turns it outside out and fashions it into a vaginer, you'll feel like a new woman! How them new tiddies feelin'?
douchebagalow
Took a liking? Looks like he wants to throw down. "You wanna go, huh? Let's go, Maury Po-Bitch. I'll fuck you up, I'm fuckin' yoked, bro!"
douchebagalow
Whitey needs to stop getting offended on other people's behalf. Y'all know who that Lena Dungham slag is? She said Sushi is cultural appropriation as is any other food that whitey eats that's not from their culture. That bitch can go sit on a railroad spike twirl.
douchebagalow
She raised awareness of dem tiddies. Also raised the ol' yogurt slinger. What's different about this than any of those Sally Struthers or other commercials we see about feeding little Ngutoo for just $1.98 a month?
douchebagalow
Pretty much agree. There were some things I thought were really cool, like the battle with Luke at the end, killing Snoke, but there was a loooooooot of shit wrong with it.
douchebagalow
You would Legit live there? So you wouldn't falsely, fraudulently, or illegitimately live there? You don't need to put "Legit" in that sentence, you daft cunt. Stop dumbing down the language!!
douchebagalow
If only Penisholes mom had done the same. By the way, she's getting an abortion on Christmas? What type of abortion clinic is open on Christmas day? "Hey everyone, come on down Larry's Abortion Emporium! Open every day of the year! We'll abort you 7 days a week and twice on Sunday! If you're at 9 weeks or 9 months, come on down to Larrys and we'll rip that fetus out of your womb! We now offer a punch card. That's right, have four abortions, the fifth is free! Because actions shouldn't have consequences, there's Larry's Abortion Emporium!."
douchebagalow
Lol. I think there was another one where their camera said to open eyes wider or some shit like that. Maybe all those slave laborers in China did it to get revenge?
douchebagalow
I recently saw him interviewing Joe Biden, sitting in a booth at a restaurant. They were eating wings. Anyway, dickless here has his legs crossed under the table, and not the way most guys cross their legs but they way chicks do, squishing his nuts. Anyway, I thought, I don't trust a guy crosses his legs like that under a table. 2 weeks later... BOOM! This shit drops. Just saying I never liked the fuck.
douchebagalow
That PBJ better come with a below average BJ if they charge $6. But also, what Harvester said-anyone who buys a $6 PBJ deserves to get punked.
douchebagalow
You mean said little shits can't just rip the stickers off? And by the way, if little shits didn't order a bunch of fraps, you wouldn't have the only job your liberal arts degree qualifies you for. Cunt.
douchebagalow
Didn't Lena Dumbshit once say she felt offended because some professional athlete didn't find her sexy, meanwhile she was wearing a tuxedo. Bitch you about to be real offended because no being on this Erf with genitals that dangle between their legs finds you sexy.
douchebagalow
There should not be 'hate crime' laws. If someone burns down a synagogue because they hate jews (hello Penisholes) it shouldn't MORE of a crime if a guy burns down a synagogue just because he likes to watch shit burn.
douchebagalow
I haven't watched pro-wrestling since I was like 8, and that was during the Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant era (when it was 'real'), so I had no idea who this dude was. But I do think this meme is funny.
douchebagalow
Jesus Horatio Christ on a jumped-up sidecar. The Parents ought to be beaten within an inch of their lives, given full medical treatment to recover, and then beaten again.
douchebagalow
He was digging for another of Penishole's nuggets of wisdom. Yes I've made that joke 5 times but we've had several pictures of people finger blasting assholes in the last 2 weeks. Besides, anything that comes out of this chicks ass is going to be infinitely more intelligent (and will smell better) than anything Penishithole coughs up.
douchebagalow
Wrong, I've never gotten over the time I asked my girl if I do the Floppy Marvin on her and she said no. That rejection still haunts me to this day.
douchebagalow
You lost weight in your head too? No shit!! That's weird because I always see thin people with gigantic ass melon-heads sitting atop their shoulders.
douchebagalow
To be fair, that art in the background does suck. Modern art is terrible. I bet this wouldn't be the case if there was a naked chick riding a clam.
douchebagalow
I know a thing or six about douches, and I don't think this is very douchey. Guy just doesn't want someone popping in on him when he's changing his drawers or getting some makeup applied. I'm guessing he's sent out a similar memo once or twice or just talked to people individually about it and it hasn't been resolved. Think about the 100s of people that work on a TV show. That shit might be necessary.
douchebagalow
Fuck you think this is? A charity? Ok, you can't pay me the $500 by Friday, you pay me $1000 by Monday. If not I'll send Gino around to twist your tits off for ya.
douchebagalow
I heard there was a policy where all women had to look at Kim Jong Ill (including portraits) with tears in their eyes like the girlies did when the Beatles played fookin' Ed Sullivan. That's sick.
douchebagalow
That is nowhere near rock bottom. If Penisholes had a telescope and was looking up, he still couldn't see this guy. His rock bottom is just above the earth's molten core.
douchebagalow
Hey I just watched something that would have been a helluva lot better without drums. That was pointless. But I do have to pull out my Willy Wonka again and watch it. 'Course when Penisholes thinks about a chocolate factory it means the butthole a 348 LB trucker named Spud.
douchebagalow
What do you call a shooting in a Chinese neighborhood? Cappuccino. What do you call a Chinese man walking his dog? A vegetarian. All bad jokes but still kinda funny. Just to clarify, I'm not a racist like our good buddy Penisholes. I can appreciate humor and not turn it into hate and prejudice.
douchebagalow
These wind turbines are a hazard! Not only do they kill our precious bald eagles AND don't produce more energy than it cost to make them, but now they're fucking with our fog!
douchebagalow
Are these both photo-shopped? Or do they have perfect handwriting? Or did they have this tripe printed on a sign? Inquiring minds don't give a shit.
douchebagalow
Can't the poor get Medicaid? There was a one year period where I was out of work and my wife and I got it and didn't pay a dime for the birth of child. It was pretty sweet.
douchebagalow
Did anyone watch this hour long video? And by the way if you go onto a children's game and say stupid shit you're a dick and should be denied access to the internet for 5 years (the way they do to child sex perverts and hackers).
douchebagalow
I wouldn't mind seeing her starfish. She's a fairly hot actresses that has been in a fair number of films. Most recently Batman V Superman and the Jake Gyllenhall vehicle, Nocturnal Animals, and before that Superman. She has also either won/or been nominated for an Oscar, she did a lot of smaller independent films. Also I'd enjoy burying my hog in her.
douchebagalow
If only that somebody he hit with his car was Penosoftolez, he wouldn't have any flaws at all. In fact he would be awarded a Citizen's Medal of Freedom.
douchebagalow
Penesopholez is a groupie for the all-male nazi themed metal band, The Final Solution. He regularly lets all five members take a shit in his mouth after their gigs at the Bingo Hall.
douchebagalow
Don't mind at all when homeless folk stand there to solicit money, but when they approach you, that's a different story. Once had a guy walk up to me as I walked to my car, he asked me for $60 for a hotel room. I told him to take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.
douchebagalow
"When it hasn't been your day, your week or even your yeeeear... I'll be there for you!" I liked the one where Ross and Ahmed were on a break.
douchebagalow
I think I got the Herpatitis just from looking at this pic. I'd fucking hate you, kid. I wonder what felony she committed? Sodomizing an unwilling farm animal?
douchebagalow
Here's a joke for you: "What do Penisophocles and Jack Nicholson have in common? They've been in A Few Good Men." When Penisopholes goes his vacation, his boyfriend asks him, "Want me to help pack your shit?" Last time Penisophocles went to a bar, he got in a fight. He and the guy then took it outside to exchange blows. What do McDonald's and Penisopholes asshole have in common? Millions and millions served. Why doesn't Penisophocles drive over 68 MPH? Because at 69 he blows a rod.
douchebagalow
What is the IA part the end of LGBTQ? I haven't been re-educated yet. Hilarious-when I was in college the student newspaper ran a story with the headline: "Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer Student Services seeks shorter name." All of us Cis straight white males laughed and laughed.
douchebagalow
Great idea! I say we start a national Kick A Governor in the Face movement. When all 50 governors have been booted, we then move on to senators, congressmen, then on up to presidents. Brilliant!
douchebagalow
Didn't watch the video (nor will I) but I'm assuming it measures how accurate fouls are in the NBA and soccer? According to this thing, Lebron's flopability is off the charts!
douchebagalow
This is cool... really makes me want to nuke a city. But, your question has already been answered. We nuked two cities. And look how awesome Japan is now.
douchebagalow
You can design and print out this flier with perfect spelling/grammar but you can't get a fuckin' yob as a secretary or making the menus at one of these cafes? Fuck y'all, all y'all, or least 80% of y'all. Homeless people in my area are getting annoying. Other day some fuck yelled at from half across the parking lot "Can you help me out with somethin to eat??" I didn't respond. So he yells "Oh you ignoring me?" Yeah, dick hole. When I get axed for money as I walk in/out of places, I usually just hit 'em with a one liner to confuse them enough to shut 'em up, like: "I already gave at the office," "I'll catch ya next time," "We are a cashless society." One time a guy walked up to me while I was getting out of the car, I told him I didn't have any cash. Later went to pump gas, and he walks up to me. He says "how about 50 cent." So I decided to give the fuck 50 cent to fuck off. Five minutes later he comes back and stands there looking at me. I said,"I already gave you 50 cent, fuck off!" Guy was clearly on speed or something. Anyway, I think for now on I'll just say something like "I can give you two words, 'Fuck' and 'you.'"
douchebagalow
Instead of a train on her wedding dress, all of the grooms party gets to pull a train on her during the ceremony. Gotta say, white trash as fuck but I'd still play hide the salami with her.
douchebagalow
Wow a pocketful of linty-ass M&Ms when he could have just bought you a bag at the ol' Skwirt & Skram for $0.89 I agree with the others here that you are both fucking dumbasses.
douchebagalow
Roundabouts are dumb. Why did we reject kings and queens but we accept this idea from England? Fuck roundabouts. I think a 4-way stop would work instead.
douchebagalow
Christ what kind of narcissistic, attention-hoarding slag would do this? And just look at that poor fuck, he knows he has to go along with it.
douchebagalow
So why is anyone against armed security guards or police at schools? Does anyone think they wouldn't work? If those Columbine fucks had been shot dead at the door we would not be having these 20 years later.
douchebagalow
Penisholes mom did this for him, but all the pics are of him getting his ass beat by the black and Jewish kids, and chugging Herculean amounts of cock.
douchebagalow
The last epi I watched was when they didn't kill Negan... again! I've got this last season in the DVR and might watch them if I have a bunch of time to kill or become a paraplegic or something.
douchebagalow
It's really not that hard to make a chick orgasm. Either they orgasm from vaginal intercourse or clitoral stimulation. There a very small percentage that orgasm from anal sex. Those are called keepers.
douchebagalow
She/he/it probably just needs to be smashed in the head with a golf club 30-40 times and then will be able to become a useful member of society... as an organ donor if nothing else.
douchebagalow
James Taylor got depression in his teens and was sleeping 20 hours a day. He was committed to a mental hospital. He had suicide attempts, and for most of his life was a heroin addict. And yet he still managed to record 17 studio albums. The hell have you done with your life?
douchebagalow
Penisholes once held a similar competition and said "First one to suck 50 cocks is gay!" He won the contest in about 5 hours and continues to chug about 40-50 rods a week.
douchebagalow
Then the next day they'll be in your restaurant saying "got any spare steak? Maybe some asparagus, gravy mashed, with cobbler?" Once I got some delightful braised lamb from a nice place. I got half to go. I tried to give it to a homeless dude on my way out. He didn't want it. I was aghast. Then I realized, he's not addicted to braised lamb.
douchebagalow
Funny story. Anyone heard that INXS song, "Suicide blonde?" So I had heard that opening in a song somewhere, then over YEARS heard it another few times but never knew what it was. Finally heard it on a local radio station. I emailed them and asked what it was, they told me. Then after that I envisioned a funny short film where a Jihadi terrorist starts his day, getting his turban on, straps himself full of dynamite begins walking outside all to that awesome blues harmonica. Then he gets a call on his phone, he picks it up. On the other end. "Achmed! It's Mohammed! Listen, we got it wrong! The song is not Suicide Bomb! It's Suicide Blonde! Blonde! We don't have to do this shit anymore!" So the terrorist is relieved, hangs up the phone, accidentally hits the button and blows himself up. Over the credits you hear the chorus, "Suicide blonde, suicide blonde." There it is. I don't know why I shared it with you fucks.
douchebagalow
Also-there's tons of add ons you can get for free depending on what it is. Sometimes stuff like extra meat, cheez, avacado, bacon has a cost b/c that stuff is expensive, but extra sauce, onions, tomato, whatever is free b/c it's cheep.
douchebagalow
It's not "oddly satisfying," you cuntwrap Supreme. You cleaned up something that was dirty, which is satisfying. God I fucking hate the idiots that just take some fuckin' new phrase or jargon and run with it.
douchebagalow
It's kinda funny how a lot of these major villains (also agent Smith from the Matrix) are just lefty environmentalists. And not even really fringe but mainstream.
douchebagalow
These are the Skittles we will have in a bleak, dystopian future where we are ruled by Robot Overlords. Except all of the flavors will be plain.
douchebagalow
And we know why her cheating is justified. She could probably sit on your face while another dude fucked her and all you'd do is change the bass/treble settings on her car stereo.
douchebagalow
It's kinda weird that chicks just draw on their faces, push up their tits, pad their asses. It's not like I can draw a bank account to attract them.
douchebagalow
If daddad were still here he'd probably string you up and show your guts to you, and say "I didn't lose three fingers to some Chinaman in Korea to come home to this shit!!"
douchebagalow
The gave the heart to that old fuck? Shit he'll really be renting it for a couple years. Then they'll give it some other old fuck, kind of a hand-me-down heart thing. This is some funny shit by the way.
douchebagalow
Yeah Americans donated more than 3 billion to Tsunami relief efforts. And I bet a goodly amount of those that donated also sent thoughts and prayers. So suck it.
douchebagalow
I haven't seen the movie, but do we know for sure that none of these ladies are gay? I mean, are they all depicted lusting after cock, or what? Maybe many of them are meant to be homoerectus but it just didn't come up in the story.
douchebagalow
Dumb... they threw their iphone 7 in the ocean when the iphone 7.2 C came out. And now they are on the iPhone 9s so they don't need or want it. Call them when you find an iphone 10SC down there.
douchebagalow
"Do you, some white guy, take this semi-attractive lady, so that you may unenthusiastic-ally slam the ham with her until you both grow uninterested and resentful? If so, say 'sure.'"
douchebagalow
Arthur Digby Sellers. Have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude? Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. The bulk of the series. Not exactly a lightweight. And yet his son is a fucking dunce. And a good day to you, sir!
douchebagalow
I'd show up, punch him in the face, pour a gallon of marinara on his unconscious body, fuck his girl in the ass and then have her shit on his face, then take my $2 tip and get the fuck up outta there.
douchebagalow
Once in every 12 years these slags get something right. I think the last time was when they thought Batman Begins was a pretty solid flick.
douchebagalow
He doesn't want too many photos of himself floating around because he doesn't want you to know that he's a regular on Grindr, Totallygay.net and a regular contributor to Young Homo magazine.
douchebagalow
While browsing lascivious content on the internet , I once saw, by mistake mind you, a pic of two dudes fucking. This is gayer than that.
douchebagalow
Just Yahooed this, apparently this little fuck's name is Lil Pump. I'd like to use a Lil Pump-action shotgun on his ass. Not kill him, you know. Just seriously wound him.
douchebagalow
Wow, what awfully shitty parents. 1. Kid knows 'Fuckin' 'ell' at that age. 2. pour water on her head for fun. 3. Posts video on the internet for shitheads to laugh at. These parents oughtta have their kid taken away and then forcibly sterilized.
douchebagalow
Actually just read about this dude in Viet Nam, his wife gave birth to twins, one of them looked nothing like him. It's rare but turns out if a chick shtups 2 dudes during the same cycle she could have two fathers for her twins (of different races). ALSO fraternal can look quite different so if say the mom was black and dad was white it's possible one twin gets dads features and the other mom's.
douchebagalow
They forgot the first rule of the internet: There are no girls on the internet. Also Godwin's Law. And that there will always be a Nazi Cunt like Penisholes.
douchebagalow
Wrong, dick smoke. Jeebus accepts that all are wretched sinners, but those that have faith in him will be saved. Ya dumb coont. So he doesn't prefer kind atheists because they reject and will burn in a fiery pit.
douchebagalow
But you did spend 40 hours a week with little shits at school, some of whom may physically beat you up or insulted you. I'd still take being a kid.
douchebagalow
So everybody that works at Mickey DeezNuts is a CEO with a Jet? The kid making $10 an hour cooking burgers? The manager making $15? The franchise owner/manager who makes $100K a year? If nobody goes there, the little guy working there will be out of work, too. Dill hole.
douchebagalow
That was a good episode of Full House. Danny (played by Bob Saget) had to dress in drag and prostitute himself to Japanese businessman so that he could pay for DJ's clarinet lessons.
douchebagalow
*This isn't that uncommon. Penisholes had his entire ass grafted onto his face when he was just a tiny racist. He also had a pair of balls attached to his chin, but that was elective surgery done last year.
douchebagalow
If you watch one of the many films she stars in, she does appear to be working pretty hard. I mean that Ray J's got a pretty good sized dick and she was on the whole time.
douchebagalow
Penisopholez has never been late for anal. Guy is incredibly punctual. In fact he'll show up anywhere 5 hours early if there's even the slightest possibility he'll get his shit stirred.
douchebagalow
I read that covfefe means both 'I stand up' and 'in the end we win.' If true, that is brill as it fits in with 'despite the negative news...'
douchebagalow
Also "deflating mid performance" sounds like the one and only time Penisholes attempted to have sex with a woman. It was after that he realized he liked the Norwegian Wood.
douchebagalow
They can be occasionally funny but the too-biased rhetoric becomes tiresome, especially as of late. But Trevor Noah... can't stand that fucking guy. It's his voice. I hate it.
douchebagalow
And... i'm sorry, but you ALLOW a rich father to have more than a poor father? The fuck does that mean? So a guy makes $10 a week scraping gum off sidewalks should be able to drive his Ferrari home to his 20,000 sq foot mansion? And the dude that owns the New York Knicks should be forced to live in a studio apartment and eat rice & beans every day? The fuck you think this works, dip head? Fucking communist gob shite.
douchebagalow
Not to have a "wake up sheeple" moment but I feel like all of the hype this is getting is designed to distract us from something. The upcoming war with Syria & Russia perhaps? With the Chi-Coms possibly joining in as well?
douchebagalow
I didn't watch, but she put the ring on his finger? And then flip him over and put the screws to him? There's really only two reasons a woman should be on her knees and the second one is to clean.
douchebagalow
This happened once in the 80s in Florida during America's brief fascination with Australia (including such films as Crocodile Dundees 1&2 and Yahoo Serious.)
douchebagalow
You probably shoulda checked out whatever website you were going to write for before you took the job, dickhole. I'm sure if you went to the site it didn't have think pieces about societal structures and other hard-hitting journalism; it had what people really want to read about: teenage pussy. This reminds me of the time I took a job as a bartender at a strip club. It was called Leave it to Beavers. I got really upset when I realized women were being objectified by the male gaze and that I was serving people that devil water. Gobshite.
douchebagalow
But seriously, what rights do women want that they don't currently have? Not saying their aren't assholes out there, but what new laws/rights can be put on the books?
douchebagalow
I know this guy who snorted whiskey and injected one marijuana. He died shortly after. He was actually hit by a bus, so it wasn't related. But you should still stay away from that stuff.
douchebagalow
This is as it should be. The biggest problem in marriage is communication-too much communication. If you both quit yapping at each other and only get together occasionally to fuck and eat, your life will be good, my firend.
douchebagalow
Hey dickless, what about the white dentist that shot a lion, or whatever the fuck it was. I have relatives (very white-scotch irish and norwegian) that took a fun trip to Africa for trophy hunting (which actually supports the natives with food and money). Yeah, a white dude has never killed a fucking wild animal, you absolute fucking shit-cunt.
douchebagalow
Ah, family. Makes me think of the first time I met Penesopholes mom. She was being gangbanged by the Washington Redskins front 7. She had serviced the rest of the team's 53 man roster (and the practice squad) that morning. Anyway, his mom was concerned that there wasn't going to be enough spooge for the Bukkake, so she paid for one of those bench ads. The ad said she would take on all cummers. I stood in line with about 30 other eager creamers. When I finally saw her, I felt that she was perhaps the most foul creature I had ever laid eyes on. But, I decided to go through with it anyway. Anywho, while Penesopholes stood in the corner with a professional video camera, I and the other 40 dudes covered her with our man-milk. It was an interesting way to spend a Tuesday afternoon, but I don't think I'd do it again.
douchebagalow
USA got tired of their tentacle porn and decided to drop another A-Bomb on 'em. It's high time we bomb Germany again, too. Just to keep their shit in line.
douchebagalow
Penisopholez has spent every waking moment (when he's not on here complaining about the juice or the darkies) fighting for his right to be fisted. It's something he believes in even more than he does the tenets of National Socialism.
douchebagalow
Here's an idea: if you don't want student loan debt, don't take out student loans. If you don't get a scholarship, don't go to a school you can't afford. Consider taking your generals and a less expensive school like a community college. Another idea is to quitcherbitchin'.
douchebagalow
That was amazing. He was doing that circular breathing thing that Kenny G did when he held a sax note for like 40 minutes. R. Kelly is truly one of most gifted singers and songwriters. He has tons of great hits, from 'Feelin on yo Booty' to the 'Ignition Remix.' But then he did some kinda weird stuff like marry Aaliyah when she was 13. How come Adam Levine looked like somebody pissed in his cheerios?
douchebagalow
Game of BONES, am I right?? Actually I don't find Natalie Dormer to be that attractive. That redhead that gets raped on the show is pretty hot though.
douchebagalow
Penesfaceoclese is wrong that we need a holocaust for the juice and the chiggers, but I wouldn't mind if we cleansed the planet of these fucks.
douchebagalow
Did anyone notice that those are two different tennis players? The pissy faced one is Maria Sharapova. I don't know who the other white chick is. Also, as they are twins, it's possible one of them is Serena and the other is the other one whose name I can't think of. So you did a meme about 2 types of people which potentially has 4 different people in it.
douchebagalow
That's because even that little dipshit knows Batman is better. If they got into a fight all Batman has to do is have Fox build him an iron man suit, he becomes Iron Batman. Done.
douchebagalow
They actually thought they were going to see some Larry David standup. This turned out to be funnier. Brother Bernie will show us the way, guys!
douchebagalow
I told the wife to give me some skull and then she pulled this shit. AND YES, I'M GOING TO KEEP MAKING THIS JOKE EVERY TIME WE SEE A CHICK WITH SKULL MAKEUP.
douchebagalow
Her actions just show us how dumb the movement is. She took a train for 32 hours to get to a climate conference in Europe. A boat 2 weeks to get to the US. She wants us to go back to that. Guess what, if you ever want to take a vacation to Italy you better build into the vacation time a solid month of travel (by boat and covered buggy). Yeah babe I think i'll just get it done in a couple hours on a big jet airplane.
douchebagalow
This is the face of a kid that never got spanked. Apparently she "made" her parents quit their jobs when she was 13 because of their carbon footprint. You know what I would do if my 13-year-old told me I had to quit my job because I was harming the climate? I'd Uncle-Phil their ass out the door.
douchebagalow
Check out Charles Whitman. 1966s, killed his wife and mom, then climbed a clock tower at the University of Texas and picked off people with a rifle. Killed about 17. Before that, 1927, the Bath School disaster. Guy killed his wife then detonated explosives at a school, killing 44, injuring about 60. Then Sandy Hook, guy kills his mom, takes the (legally purchased) guns, and goes to the school. I don't think it's new, yes maybe it's increasing, part of that is due to media coverage and a lot of these fucks wanting to be famous.
douchebagalow
Potatoes. As with carrots, white potatoes offer between 1 and 2.5 pCi/kilogram of radon-226 and 3,400 pCi/kilogram of potassium-40. Foods made from potatoes, such as chips and french fries, are similarly slightly radioactive
douchebagalow
Puh-leez. This is pretty much all bullshit. Did all of your parents pay for air-conditioning, cable, internet, going out to eat several times a month? Live the way they did and you'll be able to afford most of that shit. Instead of going deeply into debt with a useless degree, get either a degree you can make money with, or, start at the ground floor with a reputable company and work your way up. The planet is not dying. The planet is going to be fine. MAYBE some humans in some areas will be fucked... but don't believe the entire population is going to be wiped out due to some minor temperature shifts. Better leaders... like Nixon, Jimma Carter, LBJ? really? The pop culture content has definitely decayed morally, but guess what? Don't expose your kids to that shit. Kids can get tons of enjoyment from community, sports, clubs, etc. Anything can get better. 99% of us, especially in developed nations, are living a better (healthier, longer, happier)life than 100% of the people that came before us. And yeah, sure, stay off social media if you can't handle it. Some of us use it for pictures and to share stuff with friends and family, if you use it for much else, you're probably doing it wrong. Just buck the fuck up, sparky. There's nothing wrong with you that 15-20 whacks in the head with a golf club couldn't fix.
douchebagalow
The reason Penisholes thinks we are all getting fucked by the jews is only because he gets fucked every Tuesday by a jew name Saul. We're not all like you, bud.
douchebagalow
Penisholes' proctologist removed one of those from Pen's ass just two days ago. Penisholes has bought that dude a house with the number of things he's had him remove from his arse.
douchebagalow
I think it's about time we bomb them again. You know, just on general principal. You start 2 world wars, you get to get bombed every 50-60 years.
douchebagalow
Water-would that be a good thing? Well, healthy pussy has almost no taste or smell, so I guess so. (Believe, I've tried the all you can eat buffet at a strip club so I know).
douchebagalow
"Wow. 8 balls, huh? We haven't seen such generosity since Old Man Shit Head brought in a used chew toy and half a pack of milkbones last week. Oh wait, that was you."
douchebagalow
Kinda funny- I had a black female coworker. Her husband was white. Their baby was completely white, actually ginger. White as the whitest redhead you know. I asked her, "Are you sure it's yours?"
douchebagalow
Never walked down a busy street holding your kids hand, controlling them so they don't run out into traffic? That's a pretty dumb lesson. Also, shouldn't you love yourself? You should also control yourself, right? Don't they always say "Control yourself" and also "Love yourself?" You could probably do better than that, Terry.
douchebagalow
This little thought experiment has been kicking around in my head for a while. So, you're an atheist, don't believe in any God, higher power, etc. There is nothing. Just a large explosion and eons later you have life. Humans are the same as any other animal except they just evolved to be able to write symphonies, invent the iPhone, and look up to the sky and wonder about the meaning of life. SO, the question is, do you believe in Good and Evil? A male lion is looking for a new pride, so he finds a group and murders all of the young lions and the rapes the females to pass along his seed, is that evil? If a human did it, it would be evil, right? But if we all evolved from the same source, then there is no difference between humans and animals, and if so, there is no good or evil. Just instinct and biological urges. Just wondering. Get back to me.
douchebagalow
Your tax dollars going to sum chick that cut some ham. Does she even want to go to college? Did you ask her? What can she get for $16,000? Is that enough for a degree, or does she need to pony up the rest? This is dumb.
douchebagalow
Yup they gotta be fat and happy when you turn 'em into rabbit stew and jerky. I got that at a restaurant once and said "Waiter! There's a Hare in my food!" Ah, we all had a good laugh.
douchebagalow
Apparently there's going to be a Cloverfield 4, and yet I didn't even know there was a Cloverfield 2 (or 3). Their marketing team is doing a bang-up job, I tell ya.
douchebagalow
How come this shit sounded better in 8 bits coming out of a 19 inch Philco television? Also, it was Super Mario Bros 2, not World, you philistine. Super Mario World was the Super Nintendo title.
douchebagalow
Penisholes is also known as a nut gatherer and a nut wizard. You should see him operate on the nads of a KKK grand dragon, dude has skillz.
douchebagalow
NHS in England just banned all surgeries permanently for any smokers/obese, UNTIL they stop smoking or lose weight. So you could die because they didn't want to help you. There are often wait times of months to see a GP or specialist, and years for surgeries. Good times tho. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/10/17/nhs-provokes-fury-indefinite-surgery-ban-smokers-obese/
douchebagalow
This dude looks like he's the product of two brothers tagteaming their Cousin Elsa. And of all of the pics this guy could choose, he chose this one?
douchebagalow
I haven't seen a pussy get this much coverage since Penisholes was on the 6 o'clock news (he was caught having sex with a Hitler statue).
douchebagalow
The other 30% just file restraining orders. And gentleman, please, if you're looking for cunt look no further than Penisoholes. He'll even suck ya as hard and twice as long as any chick would.
douchebagalow
Something about this car makes me want to drive it off a ravine, jump off of it and look down from the other side as it crashes down below.
douchebagalow
Confucius say man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Confucius say oral sex make one's day, anal sex makes one's hole weak. What's the great secret of the orient? Many man smoke, but fu man chu.
douchebagalow
That road didn't stop the fire, it was always burning since the worlds been turning. Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan
Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore
douchebagalow
No tentacle porn? I'm disappointed. Also, this isn't any stupider than those Apple Commercials. "It's practically magic...." Practically shut the fuck up.
douchebagalow
No shit, toddlers want attention. The fuck ya want 'em to do, go work on their novels? Bang out some spread sheets? Don't have kids then, ya hag.
douchebagalow
Ah yes, the Irish Kiss, as we call it. At least the scar makes him look like less of a little bitch. If you take a selfie everyday with that mingy look on your head, you kinda deserve what you get. What the fuck was he trying to accomplish with this, anyway? Be thankful somebody fuckin' glessed ya', mate. Otherwise you wouldn't have gone viral.
douchebagalow
"These aren't contrails, they're chemtrails, a Jew-run conspiracy to poison the superior white and black races so that they can continue their control on Jew York City and Hell-A. I read about it in the Jew York Times, which is published by the Jewish Pro-Defamation League. Also, I once heard that Martin Luther Coon drives to peace rallies in his Jiguar." -Penesopholes
douchebagalow
If you ever divorce her, hook her up with ol' Douchebagalow. I'll fuck her until she loves me so bad I need to take out a restraining order on her.
douchebagalow
When I saw it was called "Mongolia's Got Talent" I started laughing for some reason. The most talented Mongol must have been Genghis Khan. Oh well. There were at least 3 chicks in the video that were reasonably bangable. Also, it was a little weird seeing that country twang coming out of that guy. It'd be like seeing a white trash chick in a cowboy hat and daisy dukes speaking fluent mandarin.
douchebagalow
Hasn't the little pup learned yet that in the end, nothing we do makes a difference? I guess they teach that in 2nd grade. And by the way, don't tell me that you didn't indoctrinate the little shit by playing Al Gore's nobel-winning slide show "An Inconviene-blahblabhab."
douchebagalow
Yeah, not really. Someone can think their past is bad, but not do anything to better themselves (like an addict). Or how about a serial goat-molester, like Penesopholez. He knows it's wrong yet he keeps doing it.
douchebagalow
It's Chang and the real Gook. Ok sorry, that made me sound like Penisopolez. Penishead WISHES he could have a rubber fuck toy, but he can't afford it.
douchebagalow
holy fuck, somehow she has the most detestable face I've ever seen. I can hardly bare to look at her. That's why her husband (or pool boy or hired john or whoever) only hits it from the back.
douchebagalow
Actually, because of the weight of the bullet, the round usually ends up in the bottom, not the top, which is the one that actually fires. I feel like most of these pathetic shits that post greentext stories on 4chan should play russian roulette with a fully loaded Glock 17.
douchebagalow
#1 When she says she doesn't give skull on the first date so I kick her ass out the 2nd story window and set up a camera to take a photo for posterity.
douchebagalow
Look at the grin on that douche's face. He's probably thinking 'bet I'll be able to use this photo for street cred with dumb youths in 55 years. ha, dumbasses."
douchebagalow
That don't look like Miss Grundy. Plus Archie was fuckin' Mr. Weatherbee. He never chose between Betty & Veronica because he loved cock. (This is why Penisholes identified with Archie so much).
douchebagalow
Sure is tough to have 2 months off in the summer and another one month plus off during the year... when you look at it that way they aren't underpaid. And after you've been there for a while you can get pretty good skrilla.
douchebagalow
If instead of having your taxes withheld from your check every month, the IRS just sent you a bill at the end of the year, the cry to reform the tax system would be deafening. Can you imagine Joe Dickbag gets an invoice for $7K on Jan 1, what's he gonna do?
douchebagalow
Why should she? She's just bragging about the size of her truly enormous cunt. Her husband loves it. He can pack it into the car and take it with him on business trips. Only Penishole's mom can rival that massive gash.
douchebagalow
Apparently she's not familiar with the Spinal Tap tune "Big Bottom" or the Queen tune "Fat Bottom Girls" and is not aware that they make the rockin' world go around. Also Fat Buttz by Milly Mill Flip Flop Retarded.
douchebagalow
In all honesty I'd rather plug the one on the left. Maybe take 10-15 lbs off her but either way I think Dat Ass would be a lot better cushion for the pushin'.
douchebagalow
This innocent photo has been ruined by the male gaze. Why can't a woman objectify herself without being treated like a sexual object? SMDH.
douchebagalow
Wow Kim Jong Un and leaders of other terrorist/murderous regimes don't hit your list? What about a child molester, serial murderer, or Penisopholez?
douchebagalow
Considering that your standard of living is likely better than the vast majority of nearly all humans that came before you for the last 10,000 years, you should probably SHUT THE FUCK UP, REAGHAN.
douchebagalow
The only thing less believable than these Anon stories is when Penisholes tries to tell us that he WASN'T sodomized by 6 KKK members and a Goat named Goebbels on his last birthday.
douchebagalow
To actually comment on this topic rather than to bring up racist bullshit: the fact is that downloading free music hurts the smaller artists, those that barely have enough cash to get from gig to gig or put food or drugs into their systems (both essential).
douchebagalow
Oh my god who the hell cares. How about we give some likes to Susie over here who was never anorexic and never obese-congrats Susie for maintaining a normal fucking weight. Fuck off all of you fatties and Skeletors.
douchebagalow
Holy shit! Intensity in tent cities in ten cities! Are all of these 'real homeless' or are some of them just those 'off-the-grid' hippies?
douchebagalow
If they had called him Fapper, they could have used the Flipper theme song. "They call him Fapper, Fapper, he faps faster than lightning..."
douchebagalow
This isn't that uncommon. Penisholes had his entire ass grafted onto his chin when he was just a tiny racist. He also had a pair of balls attached to his chin, but that was elective surgery done last year.
douchebagalow
I bet that homeless chick feels blessed to get that burrito. You notice not many homies are lined up to get them... that's because they're not addicted to burritos.
douchebagalow
Penesopholez doesn't think uncles are great. Not after his nightly visits from his Uncle Molesto. Later, Peen realized that his mom was an only child and he didn't have any uncles/aunts. But by then, it was too late. Now, Pen can't wait to become an uncle himself, so that he may diddle the kiddies. Unfortunately none of the inbred waterbabies his sister get impregnated with have ever made it to term. Doesn't stop Peen from trying every 9 months though!!
douchebagalow
Also, inquiring minds may notice that I end up with double/triple digit downvotes on this post (as you can see I have in todays Epicness/Chaos). The reason is that Penesopholez (aka The Great Homodini) spends his precious hours creating multiple accounts (that he talks to himself with) and opening new tabs so he can downvote the people that get under his skin so much. What a pathetic turd. Even if scientists were able to make Neil Patrick Harris 200 feet tall, Penesopholez would still be the biggest faggot I've ever seen.
douchebagalow
That bear is trying to bury the wookie in this chick. Over there, it's a common practice for models to mate with bears to make the species stronger.
douchebagalow
How about instead of a pic of the proposal you upload a video of the honeymoon? Also, it looks like the lady is happy/excited, not sure what everyone else is seeing.
douchebagalow
No. No reason to get married unless you're going to advance the species. People that call themselves dog or cat parents kinda piss me off. You're not a parent. You own a pretty cool pet that you don't have to worry about sending to college, getting caught up with drugs/the wrong crowd, or getting knocked up by a deadbeat. And if they do get knocked up, you can just give away the damn things. I do love dogs, but this is shite.
douchebagalow
All that ca$h and they couldn't get the rights to some decent music? Put some Metallica in there, or maybe Daft Punk. Also, great we have this, but what point does it serve? If you can explain this shit in a book, why do you need a Pixar film of it? Pixar Presents: Mitochondria (The Powerhouse of the Cell).
douchebagalow
That's what happens when a Tamarin monkey fucks an already inbred hill-jilly in the ass and they DON'T abort the butt baby. Since when did they allow Penesface to post selfies of his digits on here?
douchebagalow
He was feelin' pretty good because he'd just done some blow and fucked a couple secretaries. He was also getting ready to found the Kennedy School of Driving and Scuba Certification.
douchebagalow
You must be an expert fucking sign-writer by now. You should get a job holding this arrow-shaped signs that point at new housing developments.
douchebagalow
This Himalayan Rock or Sea Salt Jibba jabba just isn't salty enough. Yeah that's right I like salt so much I have tried salt and thought "Hmm, needs salt."
douchebagalow
If you don't know if you're retarded, you're probably retarded. If you had asked her which one of you was retarded, should would have answered, "Yes."
douchebagalow
Dear Gog, I hope you got the lebber and I hoke, you can make bepper down jeeeeere, and I'm not talking about a pig peruction in the brice of Peeeeeer...
douchebagalow
Life must be tough when you're a famous rock star and have all the money & chicks that you want. OR at least it's tough when you WERE a famous rockstar and 10 years later most people don't give a fluke about ya.
douchebagalow
Duh, it's a photograph of a painting converted into jpg format. If you had an actual painting on your screen it might gum up the works, right?
douchebagalow
And Penisopheles would proudly display this on her fridge for many years. On a serious note, there's no fucking way a 4th grader did this. Too sophisticated. Also, I really don't think they should teach 4th graders about the Holocaust (or as Penisface calls it, the War of Hebrew Aggression or Let's Party Like It's 1939)
douchebagalow
I clicked on this to see if Penesopheles made any racist comments. I'm pleasantly surprised to see he hasn't. But then i see several dickheads have risen up in his stead. Although, I suspect BathhouseBarry might be Penesophile, as we all know his affinity for gay bath houses and racism.
douchebagalow
Ever had concord grapes? They taste exactly like grape jelly. Also, I bought grapes once and they actually tasted like the grape-flavored stuff. It was only once and I don't remember if they were any special brand.
douchebagalow
Why do you think that is, actually? Are they just little bitches who can't handle minor inconveniences, or the social media/instacelebrity culture just make them think life is meaningless. I vote for little bitches.
douchebagalow
I've seen I think 2-3 of these. I don't go and look at stuff that I know will be disgusting. Don't want to see that shit. That's why I refuse to look at Penishole's selfies.
douchebagalow
She wanted to ride his pony, but apparently she had a pony too. This is fucking stupid by the way. Maybe he/she should be charged with her-ass-ment for trying to kiss him?
douchebagalow
When a rapist gets 3 months in jail and these moops get 35 years? Hmm. I do agree they should get jail time and a felony for the threats and using firearms in the commission of a felony, this was too harsh. 2-5 years.
douchebagalow
Lop off a couple more limbs and you could use her as a boogie board. Also, you could throw her in the ocean and call her Bob, or throw her in the garden and call her Herb. Hang on the wall and call her Art. Throw her on the floor and call her Matt. Before she got that prosthetic they called her Ilene.
douchebagalow
I feel bad for the ex-boyfriend who stayed with you while you were fat. Now he see out here on the interweb wearin' pants that show off ya cooch. It's unconscionable.
douchebagalow
Too true; just look at this penisopholese cunt. Before the interwebs, his racist bullshit would have been relegated to ill-lit back rooms where he and likeminded pissants would spew Nazi doctorine while jerking each other off.
douchebagalow
Captain Marvel's haircut is really hideous. I guess her new superpower is to be a man-hating dyke? I saw the flick. The only reason they had her change her hair was to throw some extra fem power in there.
douchebagalow
How about you spend less time taking pictures and updating your twitfeed and a little more time shitting and getting the F outta there so crippy can take a shit.
douchebagalow
Penisholes would wear this shirt, if he could ever get a date. And no a port-a-potty glory hole from 12 of your KKK buddies doesn't count as a date, mister.
douchebagalow
Trying to guess what the sign in the back says-"Sex Offenders Lives --ce?" Penesopholez, being a sex offender is something you know a lot about. What's your guess?
douchebagalow
#24 He looks like a character from Goldeneye on Nintendo 64. "No Mr. Bond... I expect you to dye..." OK COME ON THAT IS A GOOD FUCKING COMMENT!!
douchebagalow
How wide is a fuckin' turtle's nostril? Can't we just make a straw wider than that? McDonald's used to have them big ass straws, which I think they discontinued because of some nanny-statist complaining it caused obesity because the shit-heels got too much soda intake at once.
douchebagalow
:O MFW when the Hilary campaign colludes with Russia to produce a false dossier to influence the election which then becomes the basis of the investigation into Trump colluding with Russia to influence the election. It's like a Catch 22.
douchebagalow
You obviously haven't seen Penishole's member. Then again, no one has, including Penisholes. Doctors believe it to be only theoretical at this point.
douchebagalow
Yeah but they also refused to report on and under reported the Holocaust, so it is a shit paper not fit to line the cages of retarded parakeets.
douchebagalow
I remember watching Neil D Tyson's special Cosmos, and there was a scene where he was walking on a beach. Obviously he still has some sand in his vagina.
douchebagalow
This is pretty much what Penizopholez's mom looks like as she waits for the spunk of half of the Detroit Tigers lineup to get blasted onto her.
douchebagalow
Neither one of them are very hot. I could go to my local mall and find 3 chicks hotter than them, easy. Miss Universe? Sheee-it they wouldn't even cut it as Miss 3 block radius, bitch.
douchebagalow
you SHOULD have trust issues because your daddy left for a pack of smokes when you were 2 weeks old and never came back. But I guess this is ok, took.
douchebagalow
The kid just saw one of Penisopholez's shitposts. By the way-My kid never puked once. Usually this means they are feeding them the wrong formula.
douchebagalow
Awesome technology is in the hands of pretty much all, dick hole (phones/tablets). And I agree the pseudoscience of man-caused global warming and the puerile dogshit that CNN, MSNBC, FOX, NBC, CBS, ABC AND Bravo TV push out is quite alarming.
douchebagalow
Penisholes disproves this. He was convicted on felony counts of exposing himself to a minor and aggravated buggery, and he is now gainfully employed as Managing Editor for Young Homo magazine. And he has a nice place with his Uncle Molesto.
douchebagalow
Cuber is also communist dick-tater-chip where the people love that free health care so much they put a family of five on an old door and paddle across shark infested waters to get to America's wang, Florida.
douchebagalow
You'd literally have to drive this baby for 40 years before you'd "save" any money when compared to a similar gas-powered car with good mileage.
douchebagalow
So Heterchromia-that's what it's called when a hot chick and a dog do it? What's it called when a 400 lb mouth-breathing racist lets a German Shepard named Herman Goring fuck him in the ass? Come on Penisopholez, I know you know this one. Defend your life choice.
douchebagalow
Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.
douchebagalow
And you managed to capture this touching personal moment and then upload it on the internet in hopes that strangers give you positive feedback. Fuck you.
douchebagalow
He's astounded by the dumb-fuckery. I don't care whether I agree or disagree with a celebrity: I don't give a shit what your opinions are and they won't sway me or really anyone else. If you want to get political, why not do a fundraiser or speak at rallies, etc. Don't spout bullshit at a ceremony where you give each awards. Nobody watching really gives a fuck.
douchebagalow
And by the way, no I didn't watch this. I don't watch the Oscars either, for the same reason I don't watch gay porn: I don't want to see a bunch of people jerking each off.
douchebagalow
I kind of don't think people really ask you that and you just wanted to talk about your Bare Pussy at walmart (0 points on capitalization by the way).
douchebagalow
"That's right ladies, our sporty SUV the Ford Escape can help you Escape sexual slavery! And with top rated MPG, you'll be-head of the class. Wait, are you allowed to go go school? Either way, Ford Blows Up the competition!"
douchebagalow
This seems cool- a gimmick more restaurants should pick up. Not the guns necessarily, but other stuff to do to kill time. Like there could be a porno themed place while you flog your hog while u wait.
douchebagalow
No... no it shouldn't. However, what should happen, is for you to get smashed in the head with a dead blow hammer until you are a vegetable and can be of some use to society.
douchebagalow
I like how that song 'Hurdy Gurdy Man' by Donavan doesn't have a Hurdy Gurdy in it. I also like how that song was used in the movie Zodiac while the titular character murdered some teenagers.
douchebagalow
god, shut the fuck up. As someone that hires people, I can let you know that the people that actually come into the office (rather than only answer ads) as well as call to follow up stand out more than the others. And I'm doubly impressed when millenials do it.
douchebagalow
After this, Seagal's boner was HARD TO KILL. It's almost as if he thinks he's... ABOVE THE LAW. By fondling a 16-year-old, he's clearly walking... ON DEADLY GROUND. Even though Segals' career is HALF PAST DEAD, he is still A DANGEROUS MAN, if you're a precocious teen, that is. He was also in MACHETE. Betcha didn't know that.
douchebagalow
"What the fuck is Sugar Tits over here talking about? I don't even understand what Tits McGee is saying. If Trump kicked out the Hollywood foreign press the only people left would be MMA fighters? She must be Jewish."
douchebagalow
I never believe a cashier is interested until she either A.)tugs on my junk or B.)Turns over and presents her ass. Both do happen occasionally.
douchebagalow
So they should use what, glass/plastic cups that they wash and reuse? Or paper cups, but wouldn't that be cutting down all of the precious rain forests? Ya cunt.
douchebagalow
So, this sign would mean that a female cashier is never sexually attracted to anybody, ever. I gotta believe she gets 5+ dudes in her line a day she wouldn't mind have stirring her guts around.
douchebagalow
I see two men. I guess this is one of situations like in that Arnold Schwarzenheimer documentary, "Junior," wherein a dude gets preggers.
douchebagalow
Jordan obliterates him in nearly every major category likes points per game, playoff points per game, league scoring leader, defensive awards, free throw %. Fuck him, he ain't the greatest. And psychologically/competitiveness wise he's way down there.
douchebagalow
She just admitted she's kind of a hoe. Penisholes has been with quite a few white guys as well. And black guys... Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, Samoans... sumbitch even got fucked by a couple Estonians, and there's only like 10 of them.
douchebagalow
Ooh, looks like I hit a nerve with Little-Miss-Cuntwrap Supreme. I'm sorry if what I said brought back memories of all the times she made you videotape her getting gang-banged by the Harlem Globe Trotters (This was Monday-Thursday, on Friday-Sunday it was the Washington Generals). Ha, pathetic.
douchebagalow
The fuck you expect after you vanquish a foe that is trying to kill you? "Tallyho mates, chip chip, let's have a cuppa tea then, shall we. Cuppa tea, Bruce?" This is WAR, dip shit.
douchebagalow
Or, more likely, they have a mental illness like bi-polar or are just on a bunch of drugs? You never saw Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, George Clooney, or Taraji P Henson flipping the fuck out (among almost all others. The freakouts are the exception, not the rule). I do love Dave Chapelle and my respect for him only grew after he hosted SNL recently.
douchebagalow
Penisholes gives $2 blowjobs all day. He makes about $360 a day, or $2160 a week (he rests on the Sabbath). He's easily able to afford a mortgage payment of $4000 per month, which would be about a $600,000 home. Now, he spends all of his spare cash on dildos and issues of Young Homo magazine, BUT the point is, he could do it. All the rest of you have to do is be as hardworking as Penisholes and your dreams can come true.
douchebagalow
I am just a couple years older than the millenial generation (thank God) but I've been able to buy a home, sell it, and then buy another one. Both times the homes had a very low interest rate (4-5%), vs very high rates back in the day. I've been in the professional work force for about 15 years and make a middle class living. I do have a bachelor's degree but that wasn't required for me to get my first job (which I held for 4 years) which landed me into my current job. It can be done, you little whiny fucks.
douchebagalow
Nothing wrong with saying a little bit of racist stuff while you fuck your buddies wife. In fact, it's encouraged. Especially if said buddy is named Bubba the Love Sponge. Plus, the man won 12 championships!
douchebagalow
Someone once asked Penisholes if he wanted Dijon on his sandwich. He said yes, but was disappointed when he learned that Dijon is mustard and not a black guy.
douchebagalow
Honestly surprised that Penisholes has reduced himself to creating a false account in my name and posting this dumb shit. I guess my constant comments about how gay and stupid you are have broken your spirit. Time to fuck off into the wind.
douchebagalow
And we've discovered nyet another of Penisholes's multiple accounts. My jokes are too good to only use once. I want to make sure they get maximum exposure. By the way you've had more nuts in your cheeks than a squirrel prepping for winter.
douchebagalow
Penisholes, all of us at this site are glad that you can express your deeply gay thoughts under a pseudonym . Happy pride month, brutha-fucka!
douchebagalow
Fuck you talkin, there's plenty of skanks in every Daily morning/afternoon shittiness. This site isn't smart enough to have an agenda. They post both left and right shit. Honestly they just grab whatever pics or videos are popular on other sites and aggregate them.
douchebagalow
Once again, only someone with a very gay imigination could think of this crap. Someone, who, for instance, takes more loads than a dorm room washing machine.
douchebagalow
They really hold up the line to your mom. I prefer to do the ol two-pump and squirt move on her. I only fuck her on principal, mind you. It's an act of hate, not love.
douchebagalow
Ha, Penisholes creating ANOTHER fake account to express his truly gay feelings. The back of his throat has had more DNA in it than the OJ crime scene.
douchebagalow
that's fuckin' funny. I took pp to mean penis points or penis power or some shit. Something Penisholes definitely takes into consideration when deciding which of his Tuesday-night regulars will punch his donut that night.
douchebagalow
Lol Penisholes posting about people making fake IDs while using my name. He is the queen of projection, seeing as he's a half black/jew that's gay and makes fake accounts.
douchebagalow
And bi the way... I don't upvote my own comments. I'm guessing one of my admirers or maybe a site admin does, because they enjoy how I constantly destroy you.
douchebagalow
Sez the pathetic piece of shit that opened up 6 accounts (including under my name) to attempt to get downvotes for me and others that rightly call you out for the piece of shit you are. You're a fucking nazi cuntbag who's also fond of the penis.
douchebagalow
Only works if she wants it. I send them to my wife all the time, usually with a caption like "Getting dinner ready for you" or something like that.
douchebagalow
I'd say that you need to be kicked in the balls, but what balls? The only balls you posses are those that rest on your chin for about 6 hours a day.
douchebagalow
You've sold more hummers than General Motors. And yours are only a nickel a pop (plus you give a punch card where every 5th one is free).
douchebagalow
Tosh and Cook even made similar sex and rape jokes. Anthony Jeselnick (not a Jew!) Jokes about all kinds of messed up shit like beating his girlfriend, etc.
douchebagalow
Oh look, Penisholes opened up a fake account of mine with a period at the end to post gay comments. That guy smokes more pipe than the Cherokee nation.
douchebagalow
You know, I'm flattered, but I'd appreciate it if you would stop writing erotic fan fiction about me. I mean, I know a guy like me makes your homo flag fly at full staff, but it's getting kinda creepy.
douchebagalow
Guys watch dumb shit too. Look at Penisholes. That sumbitches vote counts the same as yours. You look at his internet history all you see is "Hitler blows Shaq" "KKKum Fest 2014," and "Schindler's Fist."
douchebagalow
I just wanna call BS on this again. Shillary got 52% of the female vote. 48-50% of women would have voted Democrap anyway, so that's maybe 2-4% that voted with their vags? And, men watch PLENTY of dumb shit on the Gootube as well. Way more porn (the gay racist kind for Penisholes) and dumb shit like watching other people play video games. If you were correct, 90+% of the wymn would have voted their gash.
douchebagalow
Hey If I had a gun with three bullets and I was in a room with you, Hitler & Jeffrey Dahmer (all alive for this scenario), I'd shoot you three times.
douchebagalow
All you talk about is having balls on your chin, licking dudes prostrates, sucking off people of various races and religions in bathrooms, and getting filled up like a twinkie. So yes, based on your comments, we can conclude you are gayer than the S&M Rainbow float at the Pride Parade. In fact, when the doctor prescribed you Nexium, "the little purple pill" for your acid reflux, you axed if there was any way he could make the pill 9 inches long and black.
douchebagalow
They also voted against the Civil Rights Act and supported segregation. Also, one of the Democratic Conventions had so many KKK members they called it The Klan Bake.
douchebagalow
You're just bitter because an investment banker named Morty Greenberg once gave you best anal pounding of your life and then never called you back. Same thing with black, Mexican, Muslim and Asian fellows. Just let it go, bud.
douchebagalow
You fuckwit. Philip's father is a German Protestant, mother an Irish Catholic. There is absolutely nothing Jewish about him, except that pseudo-Jewish last name.
douchebagalow
I'd say creating and maintaining 4+ profiles is pretty pathetic. But hey, if I we're you I'd wanna be me (or practically anyone else) too. Now that your tax preparer Saul Goldberg has let you come up for air long enough to read this, time for you to go back to sucking that circumcised Jew schvanz.
douchebagalow
I mentioned your half black/Jew uncle twice because it was that moment, being buggered by your uncle Shaquille Guttenberg in a clown outfit that would be the biggest influence on your psyche and the piece of shit you would become. But don't worry buddy, maybe some therapy and strict medication regiment could turn you into a useful member of society.
douchebagalow
No thanks, I only let one member of the Penisholes clan toss my salad and that's your mom/sister. Then I beef in her face because, much like you, she enjoys the smell of recycled Taco Bell. You know, I have nothing against the gay chappies, per say, they are for sure born that way or somehow made that way (you were raped by your half black half Jew uncle Molesto, and liked it) but they can't change it. But there's the garden variety homo, and then there's you. You're lower than pond scum, lower than the cottage cheese like discharge your mom gets once a month when she bangs more than 12 guys in 3 hours. And I hope you burn in heck.
black, half Jew uncle)
douchebagalow
that thott is hot. A great chick costume is taking anything and making it slutty. Slutty cat, slutty syringe, slutty 1989 Ford Festiva. It's all good
douchebagalow
All the History channel was about was mostly how the Nazis are bad and the Holocaust was wrong... not sure how you could have liked it then.
douchebagalow
So tell me, dick-sneeze: Now that I debunked your Jewish Komedy Konspiracy, how do ya feel? Has your world come crashing down? Because once one piece falls, when there's a "Chink" in the racist armor, as they say, soon the rest will. And then you will just be a fool with some crazy, easily disprovable ideas whose throat has seen more DNA than the OJ crime season. Ya fuckin' silly swish.
douchebagalow
OJ Crime scene, I meant of course. Doesn't change the fact that you're so dedicated to sucking cock that you have a "CHUG LIFE" tattoo on your chest, and that your anus has been resized more often Oprah's wardrobe.
douchebagalow
Just wondering-how do you feel about a white man that sleeps with black women? Not that it matters because you're nuttier than Chinese chicken salad, but I was curious.
douchebagalow
I wasn't accusing you, I was jokingly saying that if the other dude is actually a jock strap sniffing fagtard, that would mean he is likely Penisholes. That guy in fact swishes more than an NBA point guard.
douchebagalow
Penisholes's doctor prescribed him Nexium, the "Little Purple Pill" for his acid reflux. Penisholes axed was there anyway they could make the pill 9 inches long and black. Heh.
douchebagalow
The last time Penisholes was at his favorite watering hole, "The LunchBox," a 350 lb ginger walked up to him and said, "Do ye have any Irish in ye, sonny?" Penisholes said, "No, but I'd sure love some!"
douchebagalow
Penisholes was having a drink at his favorite bar, "The Man Hole," when a 350 lb ginger walks up to him and asks, "Do ye have an Irish in ye, sonny?" And Penisholes goes, "No, but I'd love some!"
douchebagalow
I guess Cuntoclese has never heard of Safari or maybe even Duck Duck Go? Vote with your internet feet and don't use these products you believe are a grand conspiracy from the Juice. By the way, Everytime you speak it smells like the dirty jock strap pile in the locker room.
douchebagalow
Nope. I wouldn't say I'm pretty but I have made every chick I've been with orgasm. The only reason my wife puts up with all of my shit is because I make her squirt buckets.
douchebagalow
Boy all these balls on chins, licking of prostates, you've never once said something on this site that could even be CONSTRUED as heterosexual. Even Harvey Fierstein finds you swishy.
douchebagalow
The next time he went to the sperm bank, he was carrying one of those 7-11 Mega Big Gulp cups. He goes to the front desk and says, "I'd like to make a withdrawal."
douchebagalow
He also said that he's good buddies with Dave Grohl and that he gave Cormac McCarthy the idea for "No Country for Old Men." He's one delusional knob-gobbler, that's for true.
douchebagalow
And you talked about licking a diseased dudes prostate... You're gayer than a rainbow float at a Pride Parade. And in fact you bite more root than someone on an all-turnip diet.
douchebagalow
I also noticed how you went into my top comments and voted down about 5 or so comments that I had that were plus 50. Flattered you took the time, but I guess you're not doing anything else between bukkake sessions.
douchebagalow
You chug more than a frat house during rush week. You're so gay even RuPaul thinks you're swishy. Your chin has had more nuts on it than a conveyor belt at a Snickers factory.
douchebagalow
This homo is really pathetic now... soon he'll have a dup account for everyone on here. This guy has twisted more knobs than a door salesman.
douchebagalow
I don't see Penisholes in this pic. Now he can suck a golf ball through 25 foot of garden hose. And does, regularly, to keep his throat limber.
douchebagalow
This site really has no political agenda. It just grabs "viral" pics from around the internet and uploads them. They post plenty of Pro Trump, anti-lib stuff as well.
douchebagalow
Penisholes writing has been nominated for the Golden Rod award by Young Homo magazine. He's also been featured in their Fruit of the Month spotlight section.
douchebagalow
But, Penisholes, you do have the AIDS. Not HIV but full blown AIDS. I'm flattered you created a fake account in my name to express your gay thoughts.
douchebagalow
Both Daniel Tosh and Dane Cook are non Jews, and made plenty of offensive race/sexist/homophobic jokes, and they're still doing well. Trevor Noah (although a Halfrican) had anti-Semitic/sexist/homophobic jokes in his Twitter and although he was criticized, he still went on to host the howlingly unfunny Daily Show. So does that fuck up your conspiracy theory?
douchebagalow
George Soros is behind many of the riots, paying protesters. The media drives the narrative that people join the police force so they can go murder innocent black people... Barack Obama and his team did a lot to foment and show approval of all of this...
douchebagalow
Oh look, Penisholes opened up a fake account of my name with a period at the end to post gay comments. That guy smokes more pipe than the Cherokee nation.
douchebagalow
So this proves Penesopholez is also Crow Hunter. Along with Lateresa Jackson and his parody accounts of myself and Guillame. Guy has waaaay too much time on his hands.
douchebagalow
I don't know what that is, the fact you do probably means it's some kind of gay club? I'm sure you'd love to wax plenty of dudes dolphins, ya fruit cup.
douchebagalow
It's Penisholes, while you are right about most of it, he does actually have a job. He's Managing Editor of Young Homo magazine, so he's doing pretty well, actually.
douchebagalow
You've blown more rods than Alpha Romeo. You've also had more rods in you than the local swimming hole. This is just my rod material... I've got plenty more.
douchebagalow
When he's not on here posting gay thoughts about balls on his chin(s), Penisholes spends much of his time cruising the gay Jew site, Schlubhub.com, hoping for some hookups. He can also often be found at Temple, on his knees servicing Rabbi Schmuli.
douchebagalow
I hear you volunteer at a teaching hospital 5 days a week and you let the new doctors practice doing prostate exams. Givin' a little back, good for you.
douchebagalow
Most of them have no prejudice towards the Juice but there are some sharks, the ones with tiny penises that are gay and enjoy shark balls on their shark chin, that believe them Jooz are responsible for everything wrong in their lives.
douchebagalow
Your tonsils look like an aging boxer after ten-rounds: beat up. Your ass has been slapped more times than Tina Turner. When a doctor wanted prescribe you Nexium, "The Little Purple Pill," for your acid reflux, you axed was there any way he could make the pill 9 inches long and black. You've finished off more black guys than Sickle Cell Anemia. Let's see... your chin has had more nuts on it than a conveyor belt at a Snickers factory. DId I miss any?
douchebagalow
Dude, if you keep looking for humor on this site, you will be as disappointed as Penishole's mom is. By the way, do you comment "this is humor" on any of the slightly funny posts on here?
douchebagalow
If you saw a vagina you'd run away screaming. Penisholes has choked up on more wood than Sammy Sosa. He's also swallowed more white stuff than the product testers at Oreo. In fact, he's so devoted to sucking cock that he has a tattoo on his chest that says "CHUG LIFE."
douchebagalow
Boy you really cut me to the bone with that one, dickhead. Do you craft these witty remarks in the brief period between your frequent ass-fuckings, or during?
douchebagalow
OR you could just shut the fuck up. If someone is saying something that offends you, it's not your job to take away their free speech (sometimes by force, like in recent Berkeley riots). If you actually had a dick and a working set of nuts you might realize that.
douchebagalow
I normally say we're living in a cashless society and ask if they have one of those Square credit card reader devices. One day one of these sumbitches is gonna whip one out.
douchebagalow
I think the staff are hotter/sluttier, always a bonus. Some of the food is not too bad; the elk chili, I got the fish tacos once as a lark. Plus the fried pickles taste like fresh-from-thegym dirty pussy. I've gone during workday lunch time and once or twice in the evening.
douchebagalow
Boy you're really firing on zero cylinders today. You should at least wait until you're not getting deep-dicked to post this shit, it might improve the quality.
douchebagalow
Penisholes is driving down the highway. There's a billboard that says "CHILD SEX TRAFFICING" and it has a phone number on it. Penisholes calls it says, "Yeah, you got something in a blonde 8-year-old?" You motherless fuck.
douchebagalow
The single greatest way to prevent the spread of disease is by washing your hands. The second greatest way is by not having sex with Penishole's mom.
douchebagalow
Way to reuse a bunch of my old insults taint-breath. What an unoriginal twat bubble. If you scroll through my old comments (which I know you do regularly) you'll see almost everything in your shitpost has been lifted from me, and then put through your homoerotic and racist filter. First you copy Hitler, now me? Considering the company, I won't say I'm flattered. I've noticed you also pilfer lines from your mortal enemy, the crazian. Why don't you stick with quoting David Duke, you nazi shit-heel.
douchebagalow
I agree! You write what you know! And she was great at writing about being a fat, ugly, drunken whore with plenty of STDs. But she doesn't know jack about politics. She's gone out of her realm. But now the media is trying to say she's hot so they can be politically correct? Bullocks!
douchebagalow
Yup. And if you're going to brag on yourself at least up the amount from 10 bucks. You should have said you bought him a new car, a new suit for his job interview, and sucked his joint. Then you'd really get likes.
douchebagalow
If somebody is a vegan that does crossfit and they have a rescue, which one do they tell you about first? Answer: ALL! "VEGCROSSRESCUEANFIT!!"
douchebagalow
Only saying 'jew' five times? You're slippin', bud. Your buddies at the Pro Defamation League will probably strip you of your membership.
douchebagalow
Except that Jesus-Freak here probably hasn't/isn't planning to kill anyone, doesn't have a sex-slave, and isn't willing to kill children to accomplish his holy mission.
douchebagalow
Yup! Now not only can we humblebrag on Facebook, we can also do it on twitter, tumblr, instagram, and some new shit called Gab. Ah, what an age to be a solipsistic son of a bitch!
douchebagalow
Meanwhile, Penesface was in the audience and consistently said "nigger" the entire time, EXCEPT for during this video. Just kidding there's no way he could afford tickets or obtain transportation to the show.
douchebagalow
Yeah, because we all know you're NEVER redundant. Now you're regurgitating my insults whereas normally the only thing you regurgitate is man goo. You're as queer as a 6 dollar bill, guy. In fact you've finished off more black dudes than sickle cell anemiar.
douchebagalow
#9 But they're talking about you in this one. In fact you get 3 prostrate exams a week, whether you need 'em or not. You put your butt doctor's kids through college and bought him a Tesla.
douchebagalow
True. Post 30 everybody in the dating pool has kids, is divorced, has plenty of baggage. That being said, a single or divorced mom can fuck your socks off.
douchebagalow
You can always recognize another of your kind, eh? You have said that Homosexuality is a mental disease. If that's the case, you're nuttier than Chinese chicken salad. You'd belong up in Juniper Hill getting regular shock treatments from Nurse Rached. But, it's not a mental disease, you're just a garden-variety homo whose throat has more swimmers in it than the Summer Olympics.
douchebagalow
Nobody wants to ban cars, they just want common-sense car control. For example, no high capacity cars (like stretch limos). No scary military looking cars (black Hummers). And definitely no automatic cars. Time to go back to stick shift.
douchebagalow
Sez the guy who tells other dudes he wants his balls on their chin 20 times a day. You're as queer as a six dollar bill. The only thing gayer than you is.... Well I guess I can't finish that sentence. You've had more dicks in you than a Richard Nixon convention. So how about you get off the keyboard and do the one thing you're good at: servicing 6 dudes at once (amazingly you've become good with your feet as well.) Ya motherless fuck.
douchebagalow
You're the only one that brings up bestiality or pedophilia on nearly every post. Your ideal date would probably be with a baby goat (or 'kid.') You sick, motherless fuck.
douchebagalow
You mean one of the pics included in there? Just type # and the number. Like if you wanna comment on a big tiddied lass on number 4, type #4 and then your comment. If you're talking about attaching a diff picture that is not there, I don't think you can do that. I've never seen it.
douchebagalow
Yep, slammin' the ham used to something kept between you and your favorite sock. I would have never talked about waxing the dolphin. Heck, I don't even tell my wife when I pummel the pepperoni.
douchebagalow
That's not sex, that's rape. But he had been married to her for 3 years at that point, so I guess it's ok in their eyes? Guy waited 3 years to consummate with his 6-year-old bride... he's practically a saint!
douchebagalow
You're fucking deranged. You need like, a team of mental health professionals working on you day and night to try to see what the fuck your damage is. Oh, and this is why you've never touched a woman, this right here. And sorry but your sister-wife doesn't count.
douchebagalow
Let's not get into your mom & sister's extracurricular activities. Nobody cares that the mother-daughter duo known as The Hoover Twins like to spend their weeknights in windowless white panel vans behind abortion clinics with 2 cocks in each orifice. It's just not pertinent. Nor do we care that you have a hidden camera in the van and watch the tape back furiously masterbating and crying at the same time.
douchebagalow
You know, homos would probably be turned on by your posts (seeing as you mention sexual acts with black people on every post). Methinks the queen doth sucketh nazi cock.
douchebagalow
Really? Cuz mine didn't. Do you walk around puking all the time? Not saying it's bad parenting or anything, just takes a while to find the right balance of foods for your kiddo.
douchebagalow
Hey how's your sister's pink eye, by the way? When she asked me to defecate directly on her face, I wasn't really into it, but I decided if I could shit on the Penisopholez family, I would.
douchebagalow
He did win two Superbowls, you useless twat. You talk about nepotism-the only reason the doctor that delivered you didn't immediately drop your mongoloid ass down the hospital laundry chute is that your sister offered to suck him off by the vending machines.
douchebagalow
Dude, you think he has a wife? He's never been within 3 feet of a vagina, except maybe when he's paying for a stripper or a prosti. Unless you count his mom and sister, but that bigamous incest isn't recognized by any of the 50 states.
douchebagalow
BECAUSE, you bounce a ball, do a couple Toyota commercials, get a season of a shitty sitcom under your belt, you have now become an expert on politic-stuff. How about that we let a 16-year-old with Ass-Burgers come and nag the UN?
douchebagalow
Actually it's an original story... new take on an existing character but retelling the story of their origin. Like Maleficent is original, but the remake of Beauty and the Beast was not.
douchebagalow
On second thought, I don't think this homo has ever been in a post office. You don't "lick a sticker." It's a stamp, and you haven't had to lick stamps for years
douchebagalow
If you only cut off one leg, she could get a job as a waitress at IHOP. She could also change her name to Ilene. OR, if you cut off all of her arms and legs, you could hang her on the wall and call her Art, or throw her in the ocean and call her Bob, or throw her on the ground and call her Matt, or even throw her in the garden and call her Herb. That's if she was transgender, I guess.
douchebagalow
That I agree with. But, I think it depends- I got myself one of them degrees and even though there were plenty of liberal professors giving their views they never changed my mind. If you arrive fully formed and continue to educate yourself in other ways you can survive it. But it probably creates tons of useful idiots.
douchebagalow
I would. i'd have to wrap it up, douse it with hydrocholoric acid before and after. Then just as I was about to nut I'd say "Your music is vastly overrated you're a terrible person!" Then I'd run away laughing.
douchebagalow
Oh Penisholes, you can't even keep your fake identities straight anymore. It's ok man, you're pretending to be the one thing you've always wanted to be: a fat black woman that takes yards and yards of cock. Go live your best life. Ya fookin fruit fly.
douchebagalow
Way to troll a five-year-old comment, fruity ass. Balls, not my balls cuz that would be gay, but someone other dudes balls, rest firmly on your chin.
douchebagalow
Well if that's the case, they should get a BJ and free steak dinner for life, not jail. Unfortunately those laws are the only thing stopping people from going after Penisholes...
douchebagalow
You frequently have a roomful of dudes standing around you chanting "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" except they're not talking about alcohol and you're not at a frat party.
douchebagalow
Maybe he wasn't thinking about the race implications and merely wanted to fuck her. Then once he found out she could make it clap he kept her and put a couple kids in her. And then years later someone posted his photo on the internet for dickheads to comment on. By the way, welcome back, cunt stick. How did you like trying to be me for awhile?
douchebagalow
I don't think Gay Dave appreciates being called your wife. You're definitely the chick in the relationship. In fact you've done more rusty trombones than a music instrument repair shop.
douchebagalow
Early man stood erect so they carry more shit to impress women. Now think of that every time you carry something hoping to impress a lady (like all of the groceries in one trip.)
douchebagalow
You sir, are not a liberal. You can only be a liberal now if you accept all of the happy crappy that comes with its current definition. A liberal in the 60s would be a hard right repub now.
douchebagalow
How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.
Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
douchebagalow
Hear hear. Governments can only limit rights. The people of Saudia Arabia have the same rights as Americans... they are just run by tyrants.
douchebagalow
I don't smoke or drink, I eat healthily (although enjoy a cheat day now and then). I don't use a medieval measuring system so I don't the fuck 9 stone is. Does your car get 40 rods to the hog's head also? Plus if needed there's viagra (and probably be plenty of other advances 30 years from now) so I'll be porking my wife for a long time to "cum". If you ever get yourself a wife I'll put the screws to her too, just on general principle.
douchebagalow
Like Blazing Saddles with a strong black protagonist which was written/directed/ produced by the Jewish Mel Brooks? How about the Danny Glover playing the finest black character in all of cinema: Detective Roger Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon. Ye coont.
douchebagalow
Hillary lost this by being the worst candidate in recent history. Corrupt, liar, criminal, cheater (DNC emails receiving debate questions and rigging election against Bernie) and just plain unlikable and the only thing she was offering was 4 more years of Obama's policies. She is so terrible that TRUMP beat her... any other decent conservative would have slaughtered her.
douchebagalow
You should just tell us what ISN'T an evil jew-controlled conglomerate. That would be easier and save time. Then we'll just assume that anything you don't talk about is a part of the World-Wide-Jewry.
douchebagalow
If only your daddy (who happened to be your uncle) had shot his gob into the other guy that was spitroasting your mom, we would all be much happier.
douchebagalow
The global jew? what about local and state-level jews? And do they all have jew meetings like a once a month so everyone knows what the agenda is?
douchebagalow
On cold, rainy nights, I comfort myself by imagining him getting arrested for his kiddie porn collection, sent to prison, and then on his first day in the yard, getting raped to shreds. That's my happy place.
douchebagalow
Many married or committed couples don't use "rubbers," jerky. There's birth control and various other methods to allow the man to blast his goo-gurt into his companion. But yes I've fucked her in the poopchute a couple a few times. But I find the old Hershey Highway to be too tight a fit, and uncomfortable for my fuckstick. I know that you, your mum and your sister don't understand this as you all have mudholes the size of gorilla fists.
douchebagalow
Rather be 50% black than 100% of whatever inbred mutant DNA that spawned you. Incidentally, I'm not black, which is a shame, because that means your mom likes my cock slightly less.
douchebagalow
They weren't protesting because they liked his agenda. And if you protest someone other than a white Christian male you are racist/sexist/bigoted.
douchebagalow
You and Dick Felch here should be expecting a visit from the feds where you'll receive the old Black Bag treatment. That's a federal offense to call for the President's assassination, dingus.
douchebagalow
It was a new thing when the show Archer came out in 2009. The main character said that (about "ants") and then it became a meme. So it should be about over by now but seems to still be holding strong.
douchebagalow
If I wanted to know what it was like to be a piece of shit I'd go hang out in a sewer. You're a pathetic Nazi groupie. You lie about everything from knowing Dave Grohl and Cormack McCarthy to how sweet your house and your 'Vette are. Someone that has a good life doesn't trip over themselves to brag about it on the internet. You are pathetic and I'd almost feel sorry for you if you weren't licking Ava Braun's cuntrag all the time. You're a joke.
douchebagalow
If she doesn't have it yet, I can oblige! Just need to go fuck Penesopholez'z sister first (which is easier than a hot knife through a diseased overripe peach. With AIDS).
douchebagalow
You can find that video on Heat Street. Like them on FB for tons of right wing shit. Why anyone continues to use hutube boggles my mind. That place is fucking shite.
douchebagalow
I moreso meant how is that a pro abortion statement? But I guess the supreme Court wants to control women's pussies if they don't want them to have babies ripped out of their womb once a year.
douchebagalow
A Few Good Men is one of the greatest courtroom dramas ever written, Cuntoclese. Social Network and Sports Night were good as well. Didn't watch The Wurst Wing.
douchebagalow
If it's in jest or in a familiar way, nothing wrong with it. Like when you call your buddies motherfuckers or when the cunts in the UK and Australia call each other cunts.
douchebagalow
Pretty much. Once every 40 pics they'll have something that makes me half-smile. But then I take a word-dump on Penisholes head and it makes it all worthwhile.
douchebagalow
I've worked you up into a froth similar to that which is found on your lower back at the end of a long day. You've done more swishing than an NBA point guard. In fact, you've given more jobs to black guys than the NBA (and I'm talking since it's inception in 1946). If slobbing knobs was a sport you'd be the finest athlete the world has ever known. I have some more sports-related gay insults, but I'll just that u gay homie.
douchebagalow
He comes out, he goes back in, he comes out again... all depends on what alias he's using, really. As Penisholes, he claims to be a straight-as-an-arrow cooze hound. Wrong. When he's posing as "Lateresa Jackson," he admits to loving black cock. When he using a fake profile with my name (with a period at the end) he goes all out in admitting his gayness. Poor little homo. It's a shame, really.
douchebagalow
As wrong about this as you are when you proclaim you are heterosexual. The American Quarter Horse, or Quarter Horse, is an American breed of horse that excels at sprinting short distances. Its name came from its ability to outdistance other horse breeds in races of a quarter mile or less
douchebagalow
This is a joke, based on how she said Dumbledore was actually gay. Which, after watching the movies I agree with. He had an English accent. Pretty gay. In fact just about everyone in the movie was gay.
douchebagalow
You frequently have a roomful of dudes standing around you chanting "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" except they're not talking about alcohol and you're not at a frat party.
douchebagalow
Boy if that's a mental illness than you are nuttier than Chinese chicken salad. You should be getting thrice daily electro-convulsive treatments and shot up with thorazine. This would make you the most mentally ill person in America, were it true.
douchebagalow
This Fruit Rollup doesn't care about the gender/age/species, he will eat some shit now. He's ingested more feces than a Port-a-Potty at a Kid Rock concert.
douchebagalow
Christ is there anything you don't have a bug up your ass about? Someone could say "KITTENS" and you'd be like "Cats were created by the mongrel Egyptians to be gods so that the white race could be deemed inferior to a 4-legged feline!" Actually, "Hispanic" was created so that whitey wouldn't call every Spanish speaking person a Mexican. For Fuck's Sake, take a fuckin' Xanax or something would ya? And then have someone smash you in the head with a golf club 30-40 times.
douchebagalow
What would be a coincidence is if, despite the fact that you write about gay sex ALL DAY long, you weren't actually gay. However, we know that is not true. The only thing gayer than you is... well, I don't how to finish that sentence. Get back to smokin' the pole, dipshit.
douchebagalow
Seems like just about the only imagery you deal in is either homoerotic or involves annihilating the Jooz. I'm guessing you're anxiously awaiting the invention of the time machine so you can go back in time and suck Hitler's cock while Goebbles pounds your ass. No go to sleep and dream pleasant dreams of getting a facial from Herman Goring. You fuckin' wide cunt.
douchebagalow
I like to say 'That's some funny shit' on stuff that is clearly unfunny, despite being posted on a humor site. In hopes the site's owners might say, "Wait a minute... that's NOT some funny shit! What are we doing?"
douchebagalow
21 times per month wouldn't be 5 times a day, it would be 1xday for 21 days, and then not doing it for 9 days. Or roughly 0.7 times a day. Did you take common core?
douchebagalow
Don't smoke, not obese, amigo. Just don't like the idea of gubmint decides who gets to live/die, who gets to have a needed surgery or not, and how long they have to wait. By the way, you took the cocks of two ranking KKK members out of your hands long enough to type that?
douchebagalow
The single greatest way to prevent the spread of disease is by washing your hands. The second greatest way is by not having sex with Penishole's mom
douchebagalow
Thanks Pedobear but you're needed elsewhere, such as the entertainment for the party at Penisopholez's Uncle Molesto's Bad Touchy Basement.
douchebagalow
I was going to say "Da fuq is dis?" but you have saved me the time. Except this post I am writing about saving time is actually longer than the original post would have been. Oh bother, as Winnie the Pooh might say.
douchebagalow
This kid isn't in America. We don't call it Uni. So while they do have that here, this moop is a product of a different school system, and, I would wager, somewhere they have FREE college, like Scotland or some shite.
douchebagalow
You think the movie was cast, filmed, and produced in one year, ya cunt stain? Pre-production began when she was 13. And if she was 16, is that ok?
douchebagalow
Sez the guy who spends hours rambling about Juice and the Nigerians and upvoting himself up and others down 100s of points. And also makes comments about torturing women and fucking kids. If you started doing this that would be a step up from the shit you do every day.
douchebagalow
The only thing you're deep inside is a bucket of the Kernel's Kentucky Khicken. And the only thing deep inside of you is the 13 inch cock of a gentleman named DeQuan.
douchebagalow
Seems high. The population is almost 10 million, so lets assume 50% female, which is 5 million chickarees. So 1.2 millions Swedes got raped by mooslems? That seems like an epidemic.
douchebagalow
I guess we just found Penisopholez other account #624. Didja forget you were logged into this one, fuckstick? Why don't you go back to sniffing Eva Braun's cunt rag.
douchebagalow
Ah yes and you have now downvote me 900 times in two weeks. You're not pathetic at all. We're not paying homage we're hoping you'll kill yourself. Obviously if go to the trouble to troll months old comments and downvote me 100s of times, I'm living in the infected shitpile that is your brain. Methinks the faggot doth protesteth too much.
douchebagalow
Yeah that was propaganda for an insane/coked up dictator who believed in genocide of anyone not aryan. He was a jew so why didn't he kill himself? Oh yeah, he did as the American forces made up of blacks, jews, gays, irish and other 'non aryans' stormed his fucking bunker. You really, really need a gang of about 8 Jews, Blacks & bull-queers to stomp a fucking mudhole in your ass. Oh wait, you already have one from the daily poundings you take. Fuck off.
douchebagalow
As soon as it exits the Great Halls of Valhalla it is a human. Before that it is a clump of cells. Hey, guess what else is a clump of cells? You.
douchebagalow
No, I received a degree from a real University. Unlike your online certificate from the the Institute of Nazism and Homo Studies. Your major was in Sucking Hitler's Cock.
douchebagalow
Here we are again, bro... Just you and me. Same kind of moon, same kind of jungle. Real number 10, remember? Whole platoon, 32 men chopped into meat... We walk out, just you and me, nobody else. Right on top, huh? Not a scratch... Not a fuckin' scratch. You know, who ever got you, they'll come back again. And when he does, I'm gonna cut your name right into him... I'm gonna cut your name into him!
douchebagalow
Well I guess you and Magic have one thing in common. Sheeee-it, you've finished off more black guys than Sickle Cell Anemia! Your anus has taken more beatings than the residents of the local Women's Shelter.
douchebagalow
Like a man baby but opposite, however that's only if you believe in the patriarchal construct of gender, which is a myth perpetrated solely by the white racist misogynist genderphobes.
douchebagalow
Thanks! Pretty much all of it is original by me, such as him tasting more white stuff than the product testers at Oreo. Or handling more sacks than the cashier at Walmart. But there are a few old classics that I use, such as Penisholes being able to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
douchebagalow
You yank more cranks than a guy that works as on old timey movie projector. You've also done more tug jobs than a garbage trawler, which, incidentally, is your mom's nickname.
douchebagalow
Forcing themselves? You don't believe they were forced to come here and enslaved centuries ago, you daft cunt? Can't fault them for staying here. And them so called 'Messicans maybe of them inhabited the South West US already.
douchebagalow
Hey I thought it was funny how you found the time to give me 400 downvotes the other day. That means I'm living rent-free in your head and that my balls rest firmly on your chin, ass hole!!
douchebagalow
And where do you read said article? The Jewish Pro Defamation League website? JewzNewz.com? The Jew York Slimes? And was said article properly sourced?
douchebagalow
Pick up a book sometime. To Grill a Mockingbird is about a lawyer named Atticus Finch who defends a black man accused of rape in the racist South.
douchebagalow
You think that letting someone skeet in your back pocket gives them an extension on their life? Then you must think you've saved more people than the polio vaccine, you motherless fuck.
douchebagalow
I won't give an up or down. I'm not for Amnesty but I do think our laws could be adjusted. The laws to get here legally are pretty insane. You can have a US citizen marry someone for another country and if you go the legal route it can be years, like 5-9 years for them to be able to come here legally. Insane. They make it so hard it's almost like they want people to come here illegally.
douchebagalow
Unfortunately they don't have that luxury in France, where 130 were killed and hundreds shot at a concert and other locations. Oh yeah they have pretty strict gun control there, and machine guns are also totally illegal there. Ya coont.
douchebagalow
You have plenty of experience as the sobbing boyfriend pleading for the return of his beloved... said beloved being a 400-lb trucker with a swastika tattoo. Ya dick hole.
douchebagalow
That's not weak, that's just the truth. The only thing that's weak is your sphincter, which after getting pounded everyday by various relatives and KKK members (usually one and the same) is understandable. Ya fuckin' fanook.
douchebagalow
You kiss your mother's asshole with that mouth? I guess that was rhetorical, because I know you do. She keeps sending me videos for some reason.
douchebagalow
Did you know that assisted suicide is legal in Oregon, Washington, Vermont, California, Montana, Colorado and Washington DC? Just throwing that out there in case you were planning a move. Always keep that as an option.
douchebagalow
Is that why you only drink Pepsi and Mountain Dew? Next time I go to a movie I'll get an extra large Cherry Coke and hope that your fear of the power of the ever-encroaching Global Jew inches up a little more.
douchebagalow
They are marching in the US because they think D. Trump is going to take their rights, or they are looking for more rights. Like the right to have cake and eat it too, maybe?
douchebagalow
I forget-I know that on Tuesdays you meet with a 60-year-old investment banker named Saul Greenberg to suck his cock, but I can't remember if it's Wednesdays or Thursdays that you have your standing appointment to be gangbanged by the American Nazi Party. Help me out. Of course we all know the weekends are reserved for KKK Kum On Me pajama parties.
douchebagalow
No worries on the downvote. That's just our resident dickless wonder, AKA the Gut. He downvoted me from 700 to -50 over a couple of days. Then he claims he has never voted anyone up or down-that's obviously a lie! He is also, I'm sure, the one that got you the in negative thousands. It doesn't hurt my feelings, just reinforces what a massive cunt he is. Ha!
douchebagalow
Me? A guy making a shitty comment on a humor site? Not famine, disease, terrorists or nations that are killing people, but me? I am what's wrong with the world. Ike, I'd like to introduce you to my good buddy, Haywood Jablome.
douchebagalow
you shouldn't watch MSNBC, dickless. It's more biased to the left than Fox News is to the right. CNN probably has Fox's bias. So pick your poison, unless you like to self flagellate with MSNBC>
douchebagalow
Ain't no such animal, Cunta-Kinte. You are as misinformed about ornithology as you are as about the juice and the chiggers, ye daft koont.
douchebagalow
Penisopholes won the "Get On Your Knees" award for his groundbreaking, first person expose of the most depraved glory holes in the US. It was published in Young Homo magazine, and it's quite a think piece.
douchebagalow
FDR's actions and the New Deal caused the Great Depression. The stock market would have bounced back in a year, but FDR extended it for 15 years.
douchebagalow
Haha, ah yes, and I'm sure you also don't have multiple accounts here, such as Lateresa Jackson? We've seen you post your exact Penisholes comments under different accounts. I'm sure the cunt that does that wouldn't lie about upvotes.
douchebagalow
Did you know that Malaysia is the gayest country in Asia? It's true. Saw a documentary on the Travel Channel called Malaysia: The Gayest Country in Asia. It had a brief cameo from Penisholes.
douchebagalow
I liked how they made Domino the negative image and she ended up looking like fuckin' Barf from Spaceballs. I don't care if they used the same actress but she should have had chalk-white skin and a black patch over her eye.
douchebagalow
Now ya got a fuck like Penisholes who is gay, thinks he's a boy but was born with no penis, and he eats so much male butt that doctors diagnosed him with Ass-Burgers syndrome. I tell ya it ain't like it was.
douchebagalow
Buffalo Bill was on the red carpet for the premiere of "Silence of the Lambs." One of the reporters asks him, "Who are you wearing?" And he says, "A housewife from Ohio."
douchebagalow
Actually 3+is considered a mass shooting, ye daft coont. However, 7 people were shot in this instance. And I'm glad u Aussies chose to leave yourselves completely defenseless from those that would wish to harm you (including your own gubmint) but in 'Merica we choose not to do so. There's a reason no one would try a land invasion of the US-as the architect of the Pearl Harbor bombing said, "In America, there is a gun behind every blade of grass." However, a foreign power could roll into Aussieland with .22s and have your on your knees in about 2 seconds flat. Now fuck off, mate.
douchebagalow
You're as queer as a six-dollar-bill. I think the only people that write about gay sex more than you are the people that actually get paid to write gay erotica. And even then, probably not by much.
douchebagalow
So explain Cuntry muzak & Christian Gospel to me. Two of the top selling musical genres. I don't listen to the shite, I don't really listen to much music made after 1996, but apparently lots of people do. Why don't those evil Jooz, who control everything, quash this music which always display traditionally white, Christian 'Merican values? Huh? By the way, the two of your have had more dicks in you than a Richard Nixon convention.
douchebagalow
He was a doing standup in some club, and a black guy heckled him, and he started yelling the N word, including something like "Not long ago we would have had you upside down with a fork in your ass, N---!" It's the only thing anyone from Seinfeld has ever done that Penisholes enjoyed.
douchebagalow
Question: If I work at McDonald's and every time a customer orders a Big Mac I say "Meat is Murder! You are supporting a new cow holocaust!" and then I get fired for that, were my 1st amendment rights to free speech trampled on?
douchebagalow
"You're right Penisholes!" "No MTM you're even more right!" "I totally agree but no one could be more righter than you!" "Hey why don't we fellate each other? Wait, I forgot we're the same person, good thing I'm limber enough to suck my own root!" You are fucking pathetic. By the way, I've seen Penishead make a comment that MTM would have made, and MDM do likewise. So I know you two homos are two sides of the same fagulous coin.
douchebagalow
So... you two finished sucking each other off, or you have a while to go, yet? Do you 69 so you can both get taken care of, or do you take turns? Also, I'm pretty sure you're the same person.
douchebagalow
I think it was The Kinks that did that song "There's no England Now." (Called Living on a Thin Line). Anyway, they need to revamp the lyrics a bit, but it'll still work.
douchebagalow
You have a "continual" breakfast of cock from 5AM-11:59AM, then switch to continual lunch of male anus from 12PM-6PM. Don't get me started on dinner and midnight snax.
douchebagalow
Penes face, Hitler was a borderline retarded/asspergers case who fueled his bullshit rants by copious amounts of cocaine and other drugs. He is responsible for some of the most horrible acts ever committed by man. He was also an art-school reject who got his shit pushed in by the US military. So shut the fuck up, and please, do us all a favor and end your bloodline. The only joy you bring to the world is that of people like myself who like to shit all over you.
douchebagalow
Wow I really thought peneshead would show some restraint. Jews gave us the polio vaccine, Saturdays off, and the iPhone, so you can fuck right you piece of shit. All you have given the world is hate filled nonsense and unfunny jokes. Please fucking gas yourself.
douchebagalow
As usual, you're a pleasant chap. Aren't you going to blame the Jooz and the Blaxicans for Uberhumors mobile experience? It's probably their fault.
douchebagalow
Wow I must have really bruised your cunt muscle, as you just gave 4 of my comments 70 downvotes. Wow what a pathetic piece of shit you are! Notice no one else has problems navigating this site, which you have been complaining about for like 5 years. You're just a fucking moron!
douchebagalow
I don't think anyone wants to "pull you on our stick," unless of course, that is gay, in which case I'm sure Penisholes already contacted you.
douchebagalow
Penisholes creating more fake accounts, back up to his old tricks (although the tricks he usually prefers are charging $0.72 to give blowjobs, 10 cents for anal. How insecure and gay are you that you create a fake account and pose as me to post gay comments (I guess hoping to come out of the closet). All of my upvotes are genuine. Everyone hates you and appreciates when I point out you're gayer than the day is long in Alaska, in June. You motherless fuck.
douchebagalow
Lol, you're hilarious. Yes when two comments about you giving $2 blowjobs goes from 15 ups to 199 downs within a few minutes I'm sure that means no foul play by you. You fatuous cunt.
douchebagalow
You're really fucked up in the head, mate. You're a pederast. You should get help. Have you considered suicide? A lot of people are doing it. I hear it's real nice this time of year.
douchebagalow
Welcome to another episode of Wacky Animals. Here we have what's known as the North American shit cunt. It's rare to encounter one in the wild as they spend almost 100% of their time behind computers. They are characterized by extremely large stomachs and asses, although they have tiny or no genitalia. Vocalizations are normally about 3 phrases which they repeat constantly. Although they have almost no interaction with females, they do engage in copious amounts of sexual activity with other male shit cunts. This is counter-evolutionary, and many biologists are hoping that this species goes extinct as soon as possible. Tune in next time to Wacky Animals where we discuss the shit lord, a close relative of the shit cunt. I'm your host, Hanz Schikelgruber.
douchebagalow
The only bubble about to burst is the cum bubble on your eyeball, which was delived by a 60-year-old investment banker named Greenberg. Do you always talk to yourself through your alter egos?
douchebagalow
In the 90s, you were a touring magician that went by the name, "The Great Homodini." Your specialty was making cocks disappear, be they large, small, equine, etc. It's a talent you still have today.
douchebagalow
She's actually a talented singer (she did an album of classics with Tony Bennet) and she writes much of her own music (and can play instruments like piano). So once again, you're wrong, you Nazi cunt.
douchebagalow
Also, ya 4 day-old cunt dripping, Killary would never do that, because she doesn't want to go to jail. How do you think she refers to Obama, Michelle, and her driver?
douchebagalow
Yeah, why would a chick want to be with a cool brother when there's fun guys like you around? The lowest female is one that would dehumanize herself by mixing with your sorry ass.
douchebagalow
Yet no one else has this problem. By the way, installing the latest AOL disc with 500 free hours isn't "Up-To-Date." Maybe the site owners are doing this to discourage your visits to their site. That would be great. Or maybe you're just an absolute shit cunt. Or maybe both.
douchebagalow
That's exactly what I and the Detroit Lions offensive line did when we gang banged your sister last weekend. Paid her $0.92 she asked for, and no tip. Good time.
douchebagalow
And you're fucking a jew, what's the difference? You have a standing appointment with a 60-year-old investment banker named Saul Greenberg whom you suck off and then let plug you from behind.
douchebagalow
The sunglasses are there because of a meme about 'bros' delivering jokes or pick up lines-when they get to the punch a pair of shades appear. The eye is off the face as an artistic choice. I just think it's a shitty. But aren't these called "Badly Drawn Comics" or some shit?
douchebagalow
And let's be honest-even the foulest chick can usually find some poor schmoe to fuck her. That's the Power of Muff, as they say in that song.
douchebagalow
You're a big fan of the European Christian male, especially when he is balls-deep in your fudge factory. But then again, you like anybody that has dangly bits between their legs. Also, your favorite book is the 1972 tome Argot of the Homosexual Subculture.
douchebagalow
The only thing any woman needs to stay with her man is some serious deep-dicking. That's why chicks stay with scrubs and even dudes that slap them around.
douchebagalow
I know that Penisfaceoles loves pussy... because he loves himself. He was not born, but shat into existence, as the world's first butt-baby. Go suck off HItler, you nazi fag.
douchebagalow
Yes Penisholes, we all know that you enjoy servicing domicile-challenged African Americans in your downtime when you're not creating fake accounts on here.
douchebagalow
You rang? Ya fuckin' felch-consuming sword-swallower? Whatsamatter, you only get your donut punched once last night, so now you're in a bad mood? I heard tell that your chin has had more nuts on it than a conveyor belt at a Snickers factory. And also that your mouth has had more swimmers in it than a public pool in Jew-ly.
douchebagalow
That's funny-everything that you just said is wrong. I'm a straight white male with conservative views. The overpopulation myth has been pushed by environmentalist lefties since the 1700s and it's been disproven. You motherless fuck.
douchebagalow
There is no overpopulation problem, you fuck. Certain countries may be too crowded but the world can support many more than are currently on the planet. And the problem solves itself-if there is a population that can't be sustained, it dies out. The earth is going to be fine. https://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/14/opinion/overpopulation-is-not-the-problem.html
douchebagalow
He had a choice-he could have complied with orders to leave the plane like 46,000 other people did last year. "Hmm, wonder what'll happen if I resist orders from air/marshalls or security officers."
douchebagalow
IN FACT after hearing that Saddam Hussein had golden showers in his palaces Peni wanted to enlist in the army. 'Course they wouldn't take him because he's 300lbs overweight and he failed every mental exam they had.
douchebagalow
We all know that's you, Penisholes. Ain't fooling nobody. One thing that you and someone named Lateresa Jackson have in common is you both love getting filled with black cock. You motherless fuck.
douchebagalow
You and your same sex partner YeahIdon'tknow are nuttier than Chinese chicken salad. Cuntry music is likely the largest selling genre out there, and they are 100% white. Yes, you are correct that much of "popular" music is made by people that didn't descend straight from Germany/Sweden/Denmark/Britain/etc, but you are dumb if you think that that music is NOT consumed by whites. I grew up in a small town and almost all of the 99% white kids listened to rap (although there was plenty of alternative/metal/rock etc). And there are plenty of white folk making popular music these days; a lot of it has rap influences, but still: Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Maroon 5 (sorta), and others.
douchebagalow
Well it looks like Mr. Penesface got himself a second Uber Humor account. Don't worry cuntface, you'll be down to -2000 Karma in no time.
douchebagalow
Yeah but Dickless Joe Jackson over here doesn't understand it. He's bitter because a black man once fucked his mother, and when he asked for it, DaQuan wouldn't give him any.
douchebagalow
After creating a fake account in my name, Penisholes now has the dubious honor of being the biggest homo East of Hawaii. Clearly my balls rest firmly on his chin.
douchebagalow
Are you saying all they need is some serious deep dicking? Those ladies look attractive enough to get plenty of pepperoni, should they want it. They just prefer the taste of seafood.
douchebagalow
You don't need to keep trying to convince us, Penisholes, we all believe you're gay. A straight guy couldn't even conceive of this shit. Your Hershey Highway gets plowed even when there's no snow...
douchebagalow
Hmm, I think we found Penisherpes 3rd profile, notasnowflake. Check out the conspicuous amount of exact upvotes/downvotes here. He is also MTM589 or whatever the fuck.
douchebagalow
I don't feel oppressed by you. You have zero power over me (or anyone). Yet, and many others on this site, hate your guts becos' yer a miserable racist cunt. So I don't have fear of you and i'm not ignorant about who you are (I know way too much about you in fact) but I still hate. This proves the idjit in the picture wrong. And you.
douchebagalow
It's the World Series because the best players from around the world are drafted into the majors, from places like Japan, Honduras, etc. Ya lame-sport-lovin' fuck.
douchebagalow
Right, there was once a 30-man gloryhole there where you and your mom provided the entertainment for various truckers, KKK members, and Jewish investment bankers.
douchebagalow
Pedosopholez is as queer as a six dollar bill. Guy makes RuPaul look like Don Juan. Only time he sees a vagina in real life is when he looks in the mirror.
douchebagalow
Penissuckolez literally has nothing better to do than downvote me 600 times in 24 hours? I'm amazed at how sad your life is, bro. You must spend literally all of your time on here (at least when you're not at Hitlerscock.org jerkin' the gerkin). I don't even need to defend myself or respond to your bullshit. You calling me a racist? That's fucking rich. i mention that I'm Irish and you go with this mick potato fucker jibba jabba. Is there any race you don't hate? I guess the blonde, Aryan germans, I suppose? Go back to sucking your mama's teat, boy.
douchebagalow
Agree. There was much consternation over the character Apu in the Simpsons, despite that literally every other character on the show is also a stereotype.
douchebagalow
She gives the gash away for free. And I'm not interested. She's got the Herpe-Gona-Syphil-AIDS. And her axe wound looks like the grand canyon.
douchebagalow
Yours would be called "1001 Balls, and other things I've had on my chin." In fact I hear you are publishing excerpts in You Homo magazine.
douchebagalow
Hell, I guess it could be. Someone is bound to know the bitch, might as well be Joe Dickbag over here. Or you've just been on the street.
douchebagalow
As the expert, please let us know: Is there a discernible difference in the taste of the cock of a 60-year-old Jewish investment banker, and that of a starting left tackle at USC named DeQuan? Or is it more of a texture thing?
douchebagalow
You're fucking mentally ill. I don't get pissed at your comments, just marvel at how truly fucked in the head you are. You, on the other hand, go back to posts I made 8 months or years ago to comment and downvote. I'd tell you to go sit on a railroad spike, but you already are.
douchebagalow
I thought Animal Control told you to leave the female canine population alone. Also, there's a difference between 'you would' and 'would they.'
douchebagalow
If you're talking about a regular-ass cheese and bread/maybe some mayo sammich, yes. But a proper grilled cheese is WAY more difficult than getting that diploma. Gotta put salt in the pan, make sure not to burn it, etc.
douchebagalow
Kramer's not a jew, and he should be your favorite actor as he flipped out and said the "N" word multiple times on stage years back. And this was a really good show, really funny. Hey, seeing as how you boycott jew stuff, how about you contract polio, seeing as the vaccine was created by a Yid?
douchebagalow
Penisholes is sitting in his single-wide trailer when he sees a new neighbor moving into the shit box next to him. Penisholes goes out and says to the guy, "Hey neighbor! In honor of you you moving in, I'm gonna throw you a party! There'll be a lot of drinking, a lot of dancing, and a lot of fucking! I guarantee you'll get your cock sucked at least twice!" So the guy sez, "Great, what can I bring?" And Penisholes sez, "Bring whatever you want. It's just gonna be you and me!"
douchebagalow
You. are. hysterical. Is this before or after you hung out with Dave Grohl, or gave Cormac McCarthy the idea for his novel "No Country for Old Men" (which starred Javier Bardem, by the way). Jesus you are fucking delusional, friend-o.
douchebagalow
Indigenous people, that were here before whitey came, aren't Americans? Blacks that we forced to come here and to build the country aren't? Chinese/others that we recruited for slave labor aren't?
douchebagalow
I don't know but Penisholes is willing to try! Heck he doesn't even care if he gets knighted. Just wants to be on his knees with another dude holding his saber in front of him.
douchebagalow
Penisholes got one of those... got a Habsburg everything else, too. Sumbitch is actually his own grandpa. He's so inbred Penisholes's uncle got a bumper sticker on his car that says "proud father of a nephew." Hey, how do you circumcise Penisholes? You kick his uncle in the jaw!
douchebagalow
Hey Penisholes would prefer you kept your mouth shut except for when you're massaging his prostate. By the way, you're a dyslexic that loves to sick ducks.
douchebagalow
Boy that's some of your best work there, you motherless fuck. Do you write these witty barbs in the brief intermission between your repeated buggerings?
