83 Funny Quotes About Marriage

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These are some Funny Quotes About Marriage to make your life more colorful. There is no dearth of humor when it comes to marriage. People have been cracking jokes about this sacred institution and have called it everything from a prison to punishment. When people get married then the use of humorous expressions and puns are part of the wedding speech. Though marriage is a holy union and has a lot to offer we can all rightfully admit that it is not the easiest of relationships to keep up and work on. Having said that one of the things that can relieve the tension in even a difficult marriage is the use of humor. But as always use your good judgment and make sure that the use of humor does not hurt anybody’s feelings.


The use of humor with regard to marriage can even be used in a grave situation to offer relief to a difficult matter by making all the concerned parties smile. The use of marriage related humor can also be used to add color and animation to your social media networking presence. These make great status updates and tweets and add an adorable picture and you have people loving and longing for more.


You can also use the marriage related humor to make people realize that a relationship works better when both the parties involved are able to see that lighter side of life and share a smile or laugh together. After all humor is one thing that knows no boundaries and a laugh has no language it just is an expression of your inner sense of fun. The use of humor has been made in the most awkward of situations with really great results. All you need to do is judge the situation, gauge the disposition of your audience and pick the right quote. Once you have done that then it is all about timing and delivery.

Funny quotes about marriage

  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
  • You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
  • Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.
  • Husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around!!
  • My hubby may wear the pants in our family but I control the zipper!
  • When I married Ms Right, I didn’t know her first name was “Always” !
  • Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
  • The mafia wants either your money or life… Wives want both!
  • Some remain single and make wonders happen.
  • Some have boyfriends and see wonders happen.
  • The rest get married and wonder what happened.
  • Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
  • Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
  • A marriage license is a license which allows a woman to drive a man!
  • WHEN YOU SAY “I DO” , “YOU are DONE”A wife’s view point! “What’s “hers is hers”! And “What’s yours is hers also”!
  • Remember! If she ain’t happy, you ain’t happy either!
  • When I said, “I DO”! She said, “OH NO YOU DON’T”!
  • If my wife ran the world ,there wouldn’t be any wars… But there wouldn’t be any peace either!
  • The only time my wife is listening to me is when I’m saying do you want some money.
  • The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.
  • Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.
  • Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  • Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes and hail.
  • Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!
  • My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
  • I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
  • Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. Said for their 20th he might go back and get her.
  • Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
  • - Elbert Hubbard
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  • Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?
  • It seems like I was only married yesterday……..If it was tomorrow I would cancel it.
  • Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.
  • A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
  • Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
  • Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
  • It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
  • The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
  • Son: Dad, is it true that marriage costs a lot?
  • Father: I don’t know son, still paying…
  • I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
  • The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
  • Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
  • There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
  • African proverb: He who marries a beautiful wife and he who plants corn by the roadside all have the same problem; insecurity.

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