77 Funny Quotes about Men

, Wednesday | Add Comment
Here are some funny quotes about men to give you a humor heart attack. Humor is an important part of our lives bringing moments of levity through the mundane and often serious nature of a normal day. Throughout history there have been many wise men who have said profound things with regard to every aspect of our lives. Here we are giving you a collection of humorous sayings and expressions that will have you chuckling or in some cases shaking your head in exasperation.


The use of these sayings can be used when you are speaking in front of a crowd to liven up the speech you are going to give. You may even use these to text to friends to cheer them up on a particularly dull day. You can use these to cheer up the rather drab corporate notice board with a wry and humorous quote to make things more merry. These quotes can also be used to add a word or two on a greeting card that you are giving a friend or colleague for a special occasion. The quote is enough to make a person smile as they read it.


There is of course the use of humor as part of a presentation when you want to connect with the audience with a warm and humorous touch. In any case as you go through this sometimes humorous, sometimes caustic and sometimes true quotes you will find that you are enjoying the quotes. These are a representation of what the world in general thinks of men and not meant to be viewed as an offensive or derogatory comment.


It is simply a snapshot of what makes a man what he is. If you approach this with a lighter frame of mind then you will surely find a lot to enjoy and even relate to, in these quotations.

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Funny Quotes about Men

  • “As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.”
  • “You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.”
  • “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
  • “What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce.”
  • “No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.”
  • “Why are women… so much more interesting to men than men are to women?”
  • “In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.”
  • “Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.”
  • “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
  • “Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.”
  • “Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.”
  • “I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.”
  • “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.”
  • “What are men to rocks and mountains?”
  • “It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life in your men.”
  • “I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
  • “I don’t stand for black man’s side, I don’t stand for white man’s side, I stand for God’s side.”
  • “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
  • “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”
  • “I am not an angel,’ I asserted; ‘and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me – for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all anticipate.”
  • “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?”
  • “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
  • authors of that study: ‘Duh.”
  • “Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.”
  • “Don’t leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.”
  • “All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”
  • Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.
  • A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
  • A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.
  • Because I’m a guy, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
  • Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women
  • God did it on purpose so that we may love you men instead of laughing at you.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Curve: The loveliest distance between two points
  • God made Adam first because he didn’t want any advice from Eve how to make Adam.
  • Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
  • Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
  • Men think high heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
  • There are men whom you will never dislodge from an opinion, except by taking possession of it yourself.
  • The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
  • How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?


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